The New Colfax Bridge: We Like It!

Since we have been Patch columnists for several months now, Heidi and I recently decided the time had come to be outraged about something. 

My husband Alan had told me several months ago that the store on Ventura Boulevard wouldn’t allow him to enter the store with Heidi—but t, farther east on Ventura, would.  Where’s a dog supposed to get office supplies in this town?  So earlier this week, we headed over to Staples to do an exposé on this insult to Studio City’s canine community.  

“Can she come in?”  I asked of a young blond sales clerk, pointing at my furry, 72-pound child. The sales clerk looked Heidi over and shrugged. “Sure, people bring little dogs in, why not?” she said. 

 So much for our first effort in the outrage department.

Undaunted, Heidi and I have decided to try another new journalistic avenue—guess what, we’re going to be critics!  And not those sourpuss types that are being laid off from newspapers all over the country these days.  We’ve decided that the key to keeping your job as a critic in these uncertain times is to write positive reviews only.  Why hasn’t anyone else figured this out? It makes perfect sense.  Who wants to pay somebody to write bad things about stuff? 

 We will write online, since we are told every day that print journalism is dying (case in point: there has been another very recent wave of layoffs at my alma mater, the Los Angeles Times, in which one science reporter received notice of her layoff via e-mail on assignment at the Arctic Circle – no, I’m not kidding).  Remember, you can’t trust everything you read on the Internet – except what you read at our proposed website www.wealwayslikeit.com (don’t click on it, it doesn’t exist yet, but when it does – you’ll like it!) 

What a concept! At www.wealwayslikeit.com, we’ll review anything -- cars, clothes, movies, your neighbors, cat food, insect repellent. You name it -- we always like it!  Whatever good things we say about your product are guaranteed to be true—we just leave out the rest.  I’m a veteran arts and entertainment writer, reporter, and critic; Heidi likes everything except swimming, raw vegetables and smoke alarms.  You can bet on the world's only dog/human critic team! 

We even have an idea for monetizing our effort: we will require people to pay for our criticism.  The better the review, the more we charge. The first two superlatives are free with the basic package; additional charges incur for more superlatives depending on word/letter count/spelling difficulty ("great" is a bargain).  And big company news: Until Sept. 15, we are running a blowout special on exclamation points!!!!!!  (Note: failure to provide timely payment may result in some damning with faint praise). 

To demonstrate our skills, on our way home from Staples, we decided as our debut effort to review the c. What controversy?  We like it! 

Much for the same reason we are postponing our viewing of the movie conclusion of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, we decided to wait to view the Colfax Bridge until the crowds thinned for this much-anticipated opening.  With all the excitement surrounding this event—well, we expected a Carmageddon turning right on Colfax and Ventura!

  But we worried for nothing. After months of scouting alternative routes to our favorite coffee shop, Marie et Cie. at Colfax and Riverside, it was smooth sailing over the bridge on spanking new blacktop with crisp and beautiful white lane lines that keep cars from running into each other! Great idea. We'll do that again.

We also dog-tested the wonderful new steps leading down to the Los Angeles River.  We like ‘em! Especially Heidi, who happily greeted a hot-weather jogger running up and down the stairs and who seemed only marginally annoyed at having a German shepherd break his stride.  Easy safe river access—and the path and bridge are plenty of fun for the whole family.  Heidi also loved the new public art “rock” on Colfax so much, well, she practically peed on it with joy 

And the grand new left turn into CBS Studio Center – well, what can we say?  The seamless process should keep all those cranky studio executives, writers and talent from frothing at the mouth over their cappuccinos on their way to work for many years to come.

Remember, at www.wealwayslikeit.com, no one can do it like you, you are the best you can be, and your product—well, nothing can quite compare to what you have to offer. Four paws up!  Let me or the dog know how www.wealwayslikeit.com can work for you.