Men look past you instead of at you - Good! No hassle,
Check-out clerks call you "Ma'am" - This is respectful,
You don't remember what you were about to say - Then you can't say anything you'd regret,
You get up to dance and tear your meniscus - You didn't really want to dance, now you don't have to,
Your hair thins and your waist thickens - That sucks!
You're no longer the desired demographic - Who cares? You've got too much stuff already,
All your products are marked "anti-aging" - All products are marked "anti-aging",
Your bra straps are cantilevered - That makes no sense. I only said it to be funny,
A donut hole is not food - Neither is the fried sugary dough, but it is delicious,
You don't need new glasses, you need cataract surgery - And after cataract surgery, you don't need glasses!