Do the children of two-parent homes succeed at a higher level than children
of divorced parents? I've always suspected that to be true. On the other hand,
children of divorced parents
might learn to adapt and adjust more easily -- they might develop a tougher
exterior as a strong coping mechanism. There is probably no way of knowing. I
chores, ate dinner together every night, celebrated holidays surrounded by
family and friends. I never even heard of divorce until I went away to college.
One of my dormmates had grown up with her rather cold and detached 'mummy' on a
posh Greenwich, Connecticut estate. Sadly, her mother was an alcoholic, never
called or visited, and was catered to by a staff of servants. Her father,
'Popsy', was a jet-setter who was far too busy sailing his yacht around the
world to visit. He sent her an enormous allowance every month but hadn't
bothered to see her since her eleventh birthday. Edie didn't seem to mind at the
time. She committed suicide two months after graduation. I suspected she had
done a masterful job of cloaking her sadness and depression. In truth, I can't
attribute her suicide to her lack of parental love and concern. I did, however,
get the feeling that she was envious of other students when their parents
visited campus and came to take them on special outings.
How can a child
feel happier, more secure to have his or her father move out of the family home
and have another male move in? I live in a real neighborhood -- a community with
lots of married couples, some old and many young ones. What I love and
appreciate is the fact that in our small pocket of civilization there are no
extended families. The children seem to thrive here knowing they have two
parents who love them and are committed to raising them in a traditional,
perhaps old-fashioned way. How sad it is to watch children of divorce being
shuttled between households under the dictates of family court. They need to be
picked up after school on certain days by one parent in order to visit whichever
one has them for that day, then be returned by a certain hour. There is an
endless shuttle back and forth.
The schedules for some of these kids is
dizzy-making. How can children survive this grueling schedule, let alone grow up
to feel happy and secure? What a stress-filled life they seem to lead. Teachers
wonder why they are falling behind at school -- why homework isn't done. What
does it say about parents who've become accustomed to instant gratification and
quick fixes. If you buy a product and it doesn't work, simply return it and get
a refund. Thus it has become with relationships in our post-nuclear generation.
They rationalize by asking how a married couple in a toxic marriage can raise
happy, secure children? Obviously they cannot, but it's the parents who should
seek help. The children shouldn't become the victims of the toxic marriage. The
problems between spouses doesn't disappear magically through divorce.
Relationships are not disposable. I believe these parents are in denial about
the part their problems play in these painful and confusing separations. I
believe it's the children who bear the burden of of the dysfunction of the
parents
Why do so many 'informed, educated' people in high places in our
country concern themselves strictly with what food and drink these children
consume? Why do they concern themselves only about the monetary cost of
healthcare to children who are obese or diabetic? Why don't they see what's
really happening to the children of our country? Why aren't they doing more to
protect them from child predators? Why are they ignoring the real problems of
our family structure in society? Why do they turn a blind eye to the basic needs
of these children like stability, consideration, caring, love and a need for
bonding? Removing french fries, soda and sweets from the diet cannot cure the
heartache these children suffer. They need to repair, emotionally, mentally and
physically. They are lacking guidance, support, protection and the knowledge
that we really care for them. I thank God that both my parents gave me a
lifetime of unconditional love.
