The Taj Mahal of supermarkets opened in neighboring Sherman Oaks last week. It’s huge and intimidating! Traffic has been gridlocked since opening day. The entire San Fernando Valley wants to see what it’s like. Does it have wide aisles, long ones, how’s the help, can you get in and out quickly, is there music, are they giving out samples, what are the prices like, what’s the parking situation? So many questions. One of my neighbors confided that she went the first day it opened. I tried pumping her for information. "What was it like?" I asked. "Oh Irene, it’s so huge – you don’t want to go there, ever."
She explained that the aisles are so long that once you get halfway down one and realize you can’t use any merchandise, you don’t know whether to turn back or proceed to the end. There aren’t enough breaks for you to make a quick escape. Guess what? They have a big deli counter with lots of cheese. They even let you sample the cheese. My neighbor seemed very impressed by the big cheese. Sorry, but that's exactly how markets make more money. The markup on cheese is huge. What else? The produce looked fresh -- from what I could see in the distance. Next time I'll bring my telescope, hiking boots and compass.
She explained that they have a kosher department, but it wasn’t stocked yet. Was there music? She thought she heard Steely Dan and Madonna but wasn’t sure. Steely Dan? You mean like "Rikki don't lose that number"? Madonna? The bakery was too crowded so she didn’t buy anything there. The seafood looked really good as well as the meat but the prices were higher than other stores in the neighborhood.
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"Okay, I’ve heard enough. Just tell me what you ended up buying," I asked. She gave me a sheepish grin. "I bought a roll of Bounty and some Mr. Coffee filters." We both burst into laughter. "Oh, and I couldn’t find my car. I forgot to write down where I parked, so that took me a while." We continued laughing for a couple of minutes. I asked, "Do you think you’ll ever go back?" She giggled again, "Nah, I don’t need the aggravation. Once in this lifetime is enough." It’s so nice to know we have a humongous new market in town, but it’s too intimidating to visit. Life in the Valley used to be so simple. Progress -- everybody wants it but we all hate change.
