THE DULL ROAR: My Girl Crushes

Much has been said about girl crushes in the past couple years.  All of a sudden it became clever and cute to say that you were a straight woman who harbored romantic feelings for other women.  It's so chic, so risque' and oh, so lesbian.  

Every straight woman knows that since the beginning of her life, she has loved some of her girlfriends with  a feeling that bordered on romance.  They may deny it, but you can be certain it's true.  So without further adieu, I would like to present my top 10 female crushes.  I am only listing 10, although the list is much, much longer.  So long, in fact, that as I was writing this, I questioned my own straightness.  But I came to the conclusion that I am, indeed, straight because I love men beyond comprehension.  Some of you may accuse me of pandering to my male audience with this topic.  You may be right but in my defense...I am pandering to my male audience.  Take a look!  See if you made the list.

1.  ANN CURRY (Today Show).  Me loves me my Ann Curry.  First of all, she is gorgeous.  Secondly, she is wicked smart and lastly she is brave with a capitol B.  If part of the world is melting, you can expect to see Ann Curry in a cave smack dab in the middle of it with a microphone.  I'm astounded by her ability to travel the world and report on crisis AND be a mother.  Forget the logistics of such an endeavor; I admire how she is able to put herself in harms way knowing her children are back home.  I sometimes have trouble leaving the house with my husband for an evening out because I think, 'what if we BOTH are killed..who will look after the kids?'  In my mind we travel in separate cars like the president and v.p. in case we encounter a stray bullet on our drive over.  It's crazy.  I love you, Ann.  Thank you for being so kick ass.

2.  ERIN (DERME) GARVASI (BEST FRIEND).  Erin has been my best friend since I was 14.  I met her when she asked me for a mint at a high school musical audition and it has been love ever since.  She is straightforward and so personally authentic you almost can't believe it.  You may not agree with everything she says but you have to admire that she says it.  She gives voice to whatever she's thinking...at the moment she thinks it--there is no sifting, there is no spinning.  It's honest and it's real.  I am the exact opposite.  When I have a feeling I often find it better to shove it way down lest it cause anyone to be uncomfortable.  I'd rather dig out my own eyeballs than tell you what just crossed through my mind.  Erin is also beautiful.  The kind of beauty that I hated/envied/admired in high school but now can be at peace with...sort of.  No one should be that beautiful and yet she is.  We have been friends for almost 30 years now and I still get excited to see her.

3.  JULIA MORRIS (COMEDIAN/FRIEND).  If you haven't heard of her yet, you will.  She's a comic icon in Australia and once the US catches up...watch out.  She's an awesome stand-up comic and a truly wonderful, irreverent person.  I've had the pleasure of going to her house and I can tell you first hand that sometimes people are as amazing as they appear.  She has two gorgeous little girls and an adorable husband to boot.  She's funny, whip smart and totally my cup of tea.  If she asked, I would marry her tomorrow.  Check her out:  juliamorris.com.au

4.  HILLARY CLINTON (SECRETARY OF STATE).  Whether you agree with her politics or not you have to admit that she can take a lickin' and keep on tickin' (pun intended).  She had a staring contest with global humiliation and won.  I love the pictures of her as a young law student--so straight, so serious and so unaware of her own strength.  I'm not only impressed by her ability to stand tall in the face of some pretty ugly, embarrassing adversity, but also how she recovered-- step by step-- and went on to her own greatness.  As Secretary of State she travels the world putting out fires and speaking on our behalf and thank God she does.  She makes me proud to call myself a woman.  

5. JESSICA HOESCHEN (TEACHER) & THE MOM'S OF MY SON'S KINDERGARTEN CLASS.  You know how sometimes you are forced to socialize with a group of people and you wonder if there is a chance in hell that you'll ever get along?  It's not that you don't like them-- you're all just so... different?  Then one day you look up from the sidewalk and realize you can't imagine being part of any other group?  It happened to me and I'm a better person because of these ladies.  Are we alike?  No.  Do we do similar things in our spare time?  Not really.  But somehow we find common ground through all our differences.  Some work, some don't.  Some are quiet, some out-going.  Doesn't matter.  They are all amazing and I count myself lucky to be in their presence.  Jessica Hoeschen is the Kindergarten teacher.  She dressed up as Wonder Women for Halloween complete with short skirt, golden lasso and boots...'nuff said.  My son is in-love with her and so am I.

6.  BRITNEY SPEARS (POP SINGER).  I love Ms. Spears.  I do.  Not only did she make me wish I could have gone to an all girl school so I could dance down the hall in a short plaid skirt, but she's also a living example of how to implode and then scoop yourself up and try again.  You may criticize her choices (and there have been some doozies) but you have to admit that if a camera followed you around in your 20's, there would have been some unflattering moments captured as well.  My 20's were a complete train wreck, and my 30's weren't much better.  But thanks to therapy and nicotine, I made it through and am now the proud owner of a gorgeous husband and two stunning kids.  Maybe I just identify with her plight or maybe I just like to groove to her music.  Whatever the case she can hit me baby one more time.

7. TRACY McCULLOCH (DEAR, DEAR FRIEND).  I met Tracy in a playgroup when my son was 1 and she saved my life.  If you have ever had a baby and thought you would go out of your mind with loneliness and isolation, then you understand that I am not over-stating when I say 'saved my life.'  Tracy is first and foremost a fantastic human.  She is so kind and compassionate and at the same time swears like a truck driver from Arkansas.  She is also very, very pretty.  Not regular pretty but the kind of pretty that makes you wish you had put mascara on that morning.  I wish I could sidle up to her kitchen counter every morning for a cup of coffee because I am certain all my days would be better if I could do so. If I'm having a bad day with the kids I can call her and know for certain I will feel better within minutes.   She's the bomb and I mean that in the best possible way.

8.  JENIFER BARKON (GOOD FRIEND).  Jen lives right next door to me and we have been known to have entire conversations over the fence.  Her kids are about the same ages as mine and we often sit out on her front porch while our kids run around as super-heros and chat about our love of prescription drugs.  She makes me laugh with her take on life and her love of under garments that make you thinner.  I will soon be moving away and I have had many a cry over the loss of this 'great friend next door' luxury.  I'll miss her cute face, adorable kids and great husband.  She has made Los Angeles feel not so big and impersonal and for that, among other reasons, she makes my top 10.

9.  KRISTY WILSON (MY BABYSITTER).  Every mom has a crush on the babysitter.  This is the woman who swoops in and magically makes you want to live another day.  Kristy came into our lives about a year ago and I will be forever grateful to the universe.  She's in her 20's and has all the energy and enthusiasm I can't seem to locate anymore.  She doesn't put up with my daughter's shenanigans, she makes my son laugh when he's near hysteria and she makes me wish she lived in the attic.  She also has an awesome 20 something boyfriend who I'd like to throw in a sandwich with some lettuce and have for lunch.  She dresses in black (like me), loves boots (like me) and never forgets anything I tell her.  She is brave, cute as a button with jet-black hair and has a sassy attitude.  She's remarkable and there aren't enough words to explain my love for her.

and finally...

10.  MERI, JANELLE, CHRISTINE & ROBYN (THE WIVES FROM SISTER WIVES ON TLC).  I. Love. These. Women. I wasn't sure how I felt about polygamy when I first started watching this show.  I was fairly sure it was wrong to have multiple wives if they didn't know about each another but what if it was out in the open?  What if women entered these unions with open hearts and clear minds? I gotta tell ya...I have come to adore not only polygamy but these women as well.  I envy their bonds with one another and how wonderfully their families all mesh together to create a big pot of joy.  There are 16 kids and to see them together is like poetry in motion, a testament to family and true love all at once.  Each one of these women has strengths and flaws and each is captivating and fascinating in her own respect.  I'm obsessed with these gals.  You must watch this show.

Well....that about does it for my list.  I feel so much better now that it's out in the open to be judged harshly.  I know you have all started to make similar list in your own heads, so I'll leave you to it.  

It's all about gratitude, baby.  I, for one, am so grateful these women live on Earth.