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Health & Fitness

Nuclear Weapons Commander Suspended for Gambling

Nuclear Weapons Commander Suspended for Gambling:  The second-in-command of all U.S. nuclear war fighting forces, Navy Vice Admiral Tim Giardina, has been suspended after it came to light that he has been involved in a gambling operation.  Apparently they weren’t calling this guy “Vice Admiral” for nothing.

O.J. Simpson Caught Stealing Cookies From Prison Cafeteria:  Its being reported that O.J. Simpson has been caught stealing oatmeal cookies from the prison cafeteria, hiding them under his clothes as he walked back to his cell after lunch.  So what if he stole a few cookies!  Its not like he killed someone or something.

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Accelerating Escalator Helps Swedish Police Disperse Brawlers:  A malfunctioning escalator unexpectedly accelerated in the Swedish town of Helsingborg, helping police break up a brawl between rival soccer fans.  Onlookers who witnessed the brawl say they couldn’t believe how quickly things escalated.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

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Baboon Fondles TV Reporter at Grape Festival:  While doing a live report from the “Lodi Grape Festival,” Fox 40 field reporter Sabrina Rodriguez got unexpectedly felt up by a boob-grabbing baboon named Mickey.  Apparently this Baboon loves both grapes and melons.  Lucky he didn’t try and slip her a “Mickey.”  I can’t wait to see the baboon’s Facebook status update.  This baboon has single-handedly turned the “Lodi Grape Festival” into the Lodi “Grope” Festival. 

Chinese Doctors Grow New Nose on Injured Man’s Forehead:  A Chinese man who suffered irreparable nasal trauma in a traffic accident last year has been growing a new nose on his forehead for the last nine months that will be transplanted to replace his injured nose.  The only negative so far has been that people are constantly asking him if they can “pick his brain.”  

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