In a Quiet Room last night this was recorded in my mind. Here’s the transcript of a possible clandestine meeting that was already in progress. No names are used because it’s just too embarassing …
THE LARGE ONE
Who in the hell called it Obamacare?
THE BE-SPECKLED ONE FROM KY
You did.
THE LARGE ONE
Don’t pin this on me!
THE QUAFFED ONE
Didn’t Tim Pawlenty call it something like that about me and then that night I stared him down in the debate…
OLD MAVERICK
Stop you’re bringing up bad memories.
THE QUAFFED ONEabpu
It’s a good memory for me!
THE OLD MAVERICK
I would’ve kept us in war!!
The Round One Enters
THE ROUND ONE
This can still be fixed.
THE OLD MAVERICK
How? We’re so screwed.
THE ROUND ONE
The CJ called it a tax! Let’s put it up on Fox and see what happens.
THE BE-SPECKLED ONE FROM KY
I’ll try it in the Senate!!
THE LARGE ONE
I didn’t think this would happen in my lifetime?
THE BE-SPECKLED ONE FROM KY
Affordable Health Insurance?
THE LARGE ONE
No. A black guy ever becoming President. Hell everyone know they still have problems being quarterbacks.
Everyone in the room is severely silent.
THE LARGE ONE (continued)
They are way too athletic to be quarterbacks and they can’t read defenses. It’s too much for their border collie minds.
THE ROUND ONE
Border Collie? I thought that you thought blacks were like German Shepherds.
THE LARGE ONE
Ignatz or Ignash…you know the Mexican dog guy. He started me thinking maybe I’ve underestimated them.
THE OLD MAVERICK
The dogs?
THE LARGE ONE
The blacks.
THE BE-SPECKELD ONE FROM KY
He was WAY way out of order. We shouldn’t have had a black President for 20 years or more. Let them coach a couple of decades or more then maybe. Maybe Lebron.
THE LARGE ONE
Obamacare!!! We've made him historic!!!
THE BE-SPECKLED ONE FROM KY
Again I think it was you who started calling it that.
THE LARGE ONE
It doesn’t matter who started saying it. We’ve all used it!
THE QUAFFED ONE
Even he has.
THE LARGE ONE
Who’s he?
It’s gets even quieter in the quiet room
THE QUAFFED ONE
The…uh… black guy.
THE LARGE ONE
The black guy is the President.
THE LARGE ONE stands in the center of the room seething at the thought. It's so quiet you can hear him seethe.
THE LARGE ONE
(continued)
Never would have imagined it. Not in my lifetime.
Suddenly THE LARGE ONE breaks out of his seething.
THE LARGE ONE
(continued)
Where’s my Oxy? I’m on the air in thirty seconds. I need to an extra great talk today! People would love Obamacare if they ever read it. We’ve made him famous when all we wanted to do is make him a one term President.
THE QUAFFED ONE
Here's your Oxy.
He tosses a prescription bottle over to THE LARGE ONE. THE LARGE ONE opens it up and then stops.
THE LARGE ONE
You didn’t take any of these did you?
THE QUAFFED ONE
No.
The others give him a hard and severely quiet look.
THE QUAFFED ONE
(continued)
Maybe just one.
The others immediately move to THE QUAFFED ONE.
THE QUAFFED ONE
(continued)
What’s the big deal. I only took a couple at the most.
THE LARGE ONE barks out orders.
THE LARGE ONE
Tie him up and throw him in the kennel that’s strapped to the lower Cadillac until it wears off tomorrow.
THE OLD MAVERICK
Will do.
THE QUAFFED ONE
Oh gee fellas. I was going to call a REAL press conference. I would’ve been loosey goosey for a change.
The rest lead him out. THE ROUND ONE is the only one left.
THE ROUND ONE
What are you going to say?
THE LARGE ONE
I'm not sure. I’ll rag on Sandra Fluke again. She’s tweeting too much. Her and Toure.
THE ROUND ONE
Do you think we’ll get out of this one?
THE LARGE ONE
If we keep this lying attack going we gotta a good chance. Lot of racism out there. Look at my ratings? Stop worrying. I’m rebroadcast in Pence’s county three times a day. The truth will be drowned out again. Are you going to be on Meet the Press soon?
THE ROUND ONE
All I got to do is ask and Dave always says yes.
THE LARGE ONE
Who knew he was one of us?
THE ROUND ONE
I know. Let’s be thankful for sweet surprises.
THE LARGE ONE
“Thanks” has got nothing to do with it.
THE LARGE ONE disappears into his studio. Two large guys with AK47s guard the door. The quiet room becomes scary quiet.
