Can You Promote Intimacy Through Conversation?

What topics do you typically talk about at a tryst? Are shallow subjects or deep discussions your cup of tea? Which works best for establishing authentic attachments?

When you rendezvous with your sweetheart or a date at a romantic restaurant, do you talk about the weather, the latest celebrity scandal, politics, the economy, the world at war?

Are you more comfortable conversing on a superficial level or do you prefer traversing the inner recesses of your mind and that of your partners?

How can you uncover compatibility through dialogue as well as create an unbreakable bond that will help a duo remain linked forever?

What areas of discourse will entice you and your mate to take a leap of faith and dive into the intimacy (in-to-me-see) pool with both feet?

Which questions require the utmost candor and integrity, and perhaps careful contemplation before responding?

Speaking from the heart and delving into personal, profound, intense, meaningful, locked away issues can be more binding than sexual intercourse.

Verbal disclosure concerning childhood traumas, hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, assets, and regrets, can bring you and your significant other closer, creating an even stronger attachment than during private, physical encounters.

Ponder probing into matters that will reveal reactions to hypothetical situations. Pose predicaments, e.g. What would you do if you found a wallet full of money on the street with clues to ownership or no clues to ownership; What if you discovered a fellow employee stealing money from the company, would you be a whistle blower?

Inquire into character traits using specific examples that require honest responses, e.g. Have you ever been unfaithful? Has anyone ever been unfaithful to you? How do you handle gossip? Can you be trusted with a secret or are you a blabbermouth?

Invite dialogue about your cohort’s experiences, e.g. what’s the most positive, negative, best, worst, happiest, saddest, scariest scenario you’ve been involved in this year?

Additional ideas might be sharing your favorite birthday celebration thus far or most embarrassing, humiliating, funniest times in 2012?

Another tool is focusing on the here and now by imparting immediate challenges and victories. You can acknowledge the small instances e.g. showing up at work and smiling at your snarly boss or telling your children you love them after they’re been unruly.

Express to your special companion a touching moment that moved you to laughter or tears. Was it performing a random act of kindness, hearing from a long lost relative, receiving an apology from an ex?

Simply knowing that you will be conversing in this type of mode at the end of the day is a sure fire motivation to center your thoughts and conduct around benevolent and endearing circumstances, lifting your spirits and inspiring those in your circle of cohorts.

It will raise your awareness and consciousness, which in turn, results in higher self esteem and worth.  

In conveying information about past liaisons, consider your lover’s sensitivities. Details about previous sexual occurrences generally won’t serve a redeeming purpose. However, particular lessons learned can go a long way in improving a current correlation with your main squeeze.

Solicit facts about your honey’s favorite songs, movies, books, plays, accomplishments, heroes (heroines). Ask what their goals are for the future and what they have ascertained from prior achievements and/or failures.

Determine if your prospect has an anger problem by asking how they behave when stressed, mad, frustrated. Do they have temper tantrums; withhold; lash out; retreat; attack; explode like a tea kettle; or fall in the passive aggressive category?

Find out how they proceed when they’re sick or a close confidante is ill or going through a difficult time such as death, divorce, or job loss.

In order to establish what admirable and attractive characteristics your beloved possesses, you have to be cognizant of your values and recognize when codependency prompts you to the point that you give up who you are to please your guy/gal.

Many will take on their lover’s morals, unable to differentiate which are their innate likes, dislikes, belief systems. Do the internal work necessary for strengthening your core and foundation, allowing you to stand firm in your own identity.

A majority of couples who have been together for ions, often dress alike, talk alike, finish each other’s sentences. It’s hard to notice where one begins and the other ends. Boundaries are blurred in every realm.

Don’t be afraid to divulge the darker recesses of your psyche. That’s where you may genuinely cement a secure, lasting union.  

Perhaps you both have had a difficult upbringing and understand the pain of being abused or abandoned by your parents or caregivers.

Seek similarities in growing up. What was your birth order i.e. youngest middle, oldest, only?  Research indicates a significant influence, from sibling positioning, on how you perceive and endure life’s happenings.

On Monday, Dec. 10, strike up some enchanting verbal exchanges with jazz aficionados young and old, at Studio City’s hidden haven for musicians, The Oyster House, where gifted sax virtuoso Bob Sheppard performs with his awesome group of talented instrumentalists.

Maestros, Charles Ruggiero on drums and Chris Colangello on bass, will back Sheppard, plus mystery guests are promised. Expect top notch players to wow the crowd and knock you off your seat. Be prepared for an amazing evening.

Music starts at 10 p.m. There’s no cover. Kitchen closes at 10 p.m. Come early to savor scrumptious fare and seafood delicacies at reasonable prices. The warm and friendly staff are always available to chat and engage in witty repartee.

Continue practicing your communication skills Saturday, Dec. 15 at 7:30 p.m. by attending the Holiday Dinner Dance at Zeldin-Hershenson Hall, Stephen Wise Temple, 15500 Stephen S. Wise Dr. LA 90077. Ages 50 plus.

No Reservations needed. Just pay at the door. $20-members; $25-nonmembers. For info contact John at 310-204-1240 of JohnSeeman@aol.com.

Great dance music by Steve Waddington and his All Star Band playing hits of the '50s, '60s and '70s will guarantee you boogie and swing the night away on the enormous dance floor. There’ll be mixers, ice breakers, dance hosts, and incredible professional dancers on hand to sweep you off your feet. 

Waddington is an outstanding vocal impressionist/singer/variety entertainer. His impressions, just to name a few, range from Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin, Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole to Johnny Cash, Neil Diamond, Buddy Holly, and Elvis.

Steve will be joined on stage by the powerhouse vocalist, Susan Ritter, paying tribute to some of her favorite female artistes, e.g. Grace Slick, Bonnie Raitt, Ann-Margaret, Natalie Cole.

Admission includes a Complete Dinner of baked chicken, veggies rice, tossed salad, fresh cut fruit; a Beverage Bar of wine, beer, soft drinks, bottled water, coffee, teas; and chocolate cake, cookies, and ice cream for Dessert.


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