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Conquering Your Fears

When it comes to intimacy, are you frozen in fear? Don’t let this be the winter of your discontent.

What is your aim in the New Year? In numerology, 2013 adds up to the number six, which stands for love, nurturing, caring. In Tarot, six corresponds to the Lovers card.

Are you seeking passion and tenderness? Are you satisfied being a singular unit? Have you resigned yourself to staying solo forever? Are you fulfilled on your own or are you looking for your missing piece?

Do men and women thrive better as a duo or are they supposed to be alone? Are they meant to bond in pairs or are they better off detached?

If we’re designed to function in partnership, why is it so difficult to discover a comfortable fit? Why after spending countless hours attempting to attract members of the opposite sex do we come up empty handed? 

Why are we in turmoil when we have a sweetheart and in a tizzy when we don’t? Many profess a ‘catch 22’ scenario, i.e. “You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them.”

Do you suppose that if you found the love of your life, your world would be rosy? Are you waiting for peace and happiness to appear at your front gate, in the form of prince/princess charming?

Have you signed up on every dating website, relentlessly editing your profile until it contains just the right amount of humor and cleverness, balanced by sincerity and wisdom? Have you taken a myriad of photos finally settling on the pose that shows your best side?

Do you work out at the gym on a daily basis and eat healthier so you can stay in shape in case your match made in heaven materializes?

Have you attended therapy sessions and/or a divorce support group to rigorously clear away the cobwebs of old liaisons and move beyond childhood traumas?

You may even visit dreaded single’s events, strutting your finest threads, sporting a new trendy hairdo, while mastering your most seductive style. In spite of all that, you leave unaccompanied, once again defeated and hopeless.

Do you claim you’re completely over your previous disastrous unions, ready to receive the gifts of a long term romantic involvement? Do you profess that you’re willing to commit wholeheartedly and jump in with both feet? 

Have you announced to your cohorts that you’re serious about forming a true relationship with the man/woman of your dreams and that you crave meaningful connection?

Then why pray tell, are you still a bachelor/bachelorette? Why haven’t you allured your ‘happily ever after?’ Why are you home alone without a mutually adoring mate to fawn over you?

A majority of men and women may declare singledom unfavorable, nevertheless, unable to link up with a significant other.

The defining factor is fear: fear of rejection; fear of loving and not being loved in return; fear of getting what you want and losing it; fear you’re unworthy, unlovable, undeserving.

Are you so terrified that you're unable to move past the apprehension? Are stuck in no man’s land, in overwhelming anxiety that encompasses your entire existence?

Fear not only immobilizes, it’s an excuse to keep from being vulnerable, a defense mechanism that thwarts growth.

You may use insecurities to remain miserable, e.g. “I’m not pretty/handsome enough, smart enough, sexy enough, skinny enough, funny enough, rich enough.”

You’re petrified of going through a painful breakup. Each time you get close to someone, worry sends you packing.

Do you give up too easily? Are you scared to fight for her/him? Are you frightened it won’t last and that you won’t be able to recover from another agonizing split?

Some set it up to be cast off, relieving themselves of having to take responsibility. They’d rather be the dumpee than the dumper, avoiding accountability.

Do you console yourself in the false conviction that you can be content in the company of one? Do you believe you can get all the warmth and coziness you covet from a pet and that human ties are highly overrated?

Are you stringing your precious along enticing him/her so you don’t have to cop to your weaknesses? Do you ask for trouble by hiding behind a  façade of strength, independence, coolness, cockiness?

On the other hand, are you ready to receive the gifts of a long term romantic involvement? Are you convinced your soul mate is just around the corner?

Search deep within. Are you actually dedicated to maturing into a dependable, reliable, trustworthy, conscious, aware individual, pursuing qualities necessary for a major attachment?

If you’re truly honest, you will realize what lies behind your modus operandi. This is the moment to take a different path. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Seize the day.

Gather up all the courage, guts, and nerve you can muster. Ask your dearest out even if you’re petrified. Continue to court your guy/gal even when you’re intimidated and in high anxiety mode.

Act as if you’re brave and the feelings will follow. Invest a hundred percent. Put all your eggs in one basket. Close the exit doors.  

Awards season is in full bloom led by last weekend’s Golden Globes. Stay tuned for the SAG (actors) Awards on January 27; DGA (director’s) Awards on February 2; Grammys on February 10; WGA (writer’s) Awards on February 17; Independent Spirit Awards on February 23; and the Academy Awards on February 24.

It’s a great time to catch up and see these amazing contenders: The Impossible, The Sessions, Les Miserables, Django Unchained, Zero Dark Thirty, Argo, Life of Pi, Rust and Bone, The Intouchables, Flight, Skyfall, Middle of Nowhere, Compliance, Killer Joe, Sound of My Voice, My Sister’s Sister, Searching for Sugarman, and Wreck It Ralph.

William (Praxis) January 20, 2013 at 07:39 PM
Wow. What a thought-provoking read. Thank you, Debra.

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