Eternally Single? Maintaining the Magic!

Some are very comfortable in the singles world and have no intentions of ever making a long term commitment.

They spend numerous hours online, talking to prospects, going on first encounters. They’re at ease on a superficial plane but when it comes to intimacy (in-to-me-see), they recoil as if from a hot flame.

They’re content meeting new men/women and thrive on the mystery and intrigue of it all. However, once they get to know a potential candidate, they lose interest and quickly move on. They assume there are plenty of fish (pun intended) in the sea.

Going from dating site to dating site, they search for possibilities they may have previously overlooked. They continually change their profiles, pictures, names, identities.

Typically, they instantly find something wrong with whomever they court, from the slightest irritation to a blaring defect. No one can live up to their expectations. Since they’re the alpha and omega, any applicant doesn’t stand a chance. Second and third assignations are a rarity.

This group sees themselves as above the rest, top notch, successful, impenetrable, omnipotent. They abhor the thought of being told they’re inadequate or having to admit they made a mistake.

They survive well enough on their own, unable to cope with suggestions for varying routines or methods. Anger and often rage erupt at the notion they’re incompetent or inept in certain areas.

This category doesn’t want their bubble burst, to look at themselves, or reflect off that special someone. They’re not concerned with spiritual growth or awareness. They could care less about sharing with a partner, let alone establishing a deep bond.

In essence, they’re relationship phobes, running from expressions like exclusivity, monogamy, faithfulness, devotion, promise, vow.

They’re extremely set in their habits, resenting anyone coming into their territory, desiring to add a different character or personality to their surroundings. They object to alterations in general whether to locale, activities, or behaviors.

In other words, they’re eternal bachelors/bachelorettes, satisfied just the way they are.

Most have been single their whole lives, secure with the concept of never having to answer to a girlfriend/boyfriend, free to do as they please. But what price freedom?  

Is losing out on the trust, rapport, camaraderie that comes from longevity worth the independence? Is spending your existence alone more appealing than attempting to navigate through the trials and tribulations resulting from evolving together as a team? 

Are homo sapiens meant to be monogamous? Is hooking up an unnatural state?

What about aching for the irreplaceable experience of falling asleep in the arms of your soulmate or waking up beside the lady/gentleman of your dreams having spooned from dusk til dawn?

Even a million dollars can’t buy you love, a precious, incalculable commodity. A majority contend your net value is largely diminished if you don’t have a legacy, a companion to commune with ‘til death do us part.’

Research indicates men die sooner without a significant other. Similarly, you frequently hear that "behind every remarkable man is an impressive woman guiding, supporting, and cheering him on."

Yet who are we to form an opinion, reminding me of the Indian prayer: “Great spirit may I not render judgment upon another until I have walked for one moon in his shoes.”

Perhaps perpetual singles have attained an inner peace and bliss that those in an enduring connection have not. Conceivably they’ve achieved an internal tranquility and sense of wholeness that many in a serious liaison yearn for but haven’t found.

Consider those desperate to be a couple, constantly on the hunt for their missing piece, their better half, unfulfilled as a solo act.

Just like you can be lonely in a crowded room, you can feel lonely in an intense involvement with a dearly beloved.

Countless singles claim gratification with their careers, hobbies, families, and social situations. They lean on close friends in tough times, providing a pleasure that has eluded them when trying to make meaningful contact with a mate.

In a parallel vein, don’t forget to turn your clocks ahead next Sunday, March 11th, at 2am. Now that there are extra daylight hours, your body will be producing additional serotonin, the “happiness hormone.”

Love is in the air as spring approaches. Take advantage of the high levels of endorphin, testosterone, and estrogen being released as the days are extended.

Perpetuate or return to the honeymoon phase you covet. There are numerous ways to sustain the original allure and magnetism.

Novel, thrilling, and exciting adventures can keep the fires burning, helping to safeguard the fascination and pizzazz. Try to recollect what initially attracted you to your sweetheart. Revisit that place literally and figuratively as often as possible.

Then create fresh, novel, innovative memories to generate enchantment and sparkle, e.g. weekends away to your favorite hot springs or bed and breakfast, outdoor concerts and picnics, hot air ballooning, river rafting. 

Make sure to preserve the endearing times through photos and mementos, i.e. ticket stubs brochures, matches, etc. These items are useful when reminiscing or crafting a collage as a gift, displaying the ideal personal touch.

A date night at least once a week is vital especially if you have young children or are consumed with work. Don your sexiest attire. Put on your best face physically and emotionally. Leave your psychological baggage behind.

Aphrodisiacs can range from flirtatious banter to phone sex, hot oil massages to home cooked candlelit dinners, flowers/jewelry to sports tix as surprise tokens of fondness, movie excursions for holding hands and smooching in the dark to making love in the car while parked at a viewpoint along Mulholland Drive.

Watch Woody Allen’s masterpiece, Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, particularly the episode "Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm?" in which a slick playboy (Woody Allen) discovers his wife (Louise Lasser) can climax only when they make love in public places.

Follow Lasser’s fancy by having sex in unique locations as well as diverse positions. Try tantric touching.

No matter if it’s your hundredth first tryst or hundredth tete-a-tete, you can reignite the chemistry at these reasonably priced romantic restaurants right here in our ‘hood: Chi Dynasty, Bistro Garden, Firefly, Outtake Bistro, The Oyster House.

They’re classy, chic, close by, great for conversation with mood enhancing ambiences, i.e. soft lighting, friendly and warm staff, delicious delicacies, cozy seating.

Rev up your sensual enthusiasm watching the commended adult comedy, at , 4348 Tujunga, in the quaint Tujunga Village section of Studio City.  On the road to Off Broadway, this amusing and enjoyable performance is the perfect entertainment for pairs as well as the unattached.

It’s Just Sex, written by Jeff Gould and directed by Rick Shaw, is ‘Goldstar Roar of the Crowd,’ the highest rated show in LA. You’ll leave this charming theatre and clever production in an invigorated mood, ready to augment, amplify, and restore affection in your current association.

For tickets call 818-762-2282 or go to www.tworoadstheater.com

On Saturday evening, March 10, at 7 pm, you’re invited to a special screening of E.M. Fredric’s acclaimed short, “Shorty & Morty,” at Studio City Stages, 11101 Ventura Blvd, behind Bollywood restaurant near Vineland.

Puppeteer, Scott Land (TEAM AMERICA: World Police) joins the wonderful cast and crew for a fun evening of film, conversation, live piano music, snacks, no host bar, and complimentary illustrations by Studio City’s amazingly talented artist, Dylan, just back from his opening exhibit at NYC’s MOM Museum.

Come solo, with your bff, or Mr./Ms. Right and partake in this free celebration (donations welcome). RSVP to emfredric@gmail.com as seating is limited. Street parking is metered until 8 p.m. plus ample parking is available in the Ralph's lot on Vineland, a mere block away.

Kim Calvert March 04, 2012 at 03:49 PM
Yes Debra, there are some single people out there that are as you describe: commitment phobic and self-centered. But singleness is not what defines most people’s character. There are selfish, narcissistic married people too. The old stereotype that single people, who are not doggedly striving to become un-single, are somehow broken or flawed is an idea that keeps those who buy into it victimized by negative idea that they are inferior to their partnered friends. We singles are a diverse group, as diverse as the entire spectrum of American public – the only difference is that we live in a country where being married is seen as the “right choice.” In reality, we singles cannot be boxed into a “type” and we are increasingly refusing to be painted with a brush that defines us in a negative way. That’s not good news for people who make a living by coaching us on how to get coupled, but it is great news for the almost 50 percent of the population who are the sole proprietors of their lives and refuse to let other people’s ideas of what it “right” make us feel like there’s something wrong with us. For some facts on this please see: http://singularcity.com/getting-married-when-and-if-you-want/ Kim Calvert / Editor Singular magazine / SingularCity.com
Dennesho Masteroninan March 11, 2012 at 05:55 PM
There are many reasons why people stay single. For me, I think because of standards and self contentedness.But, I prefer to advise to make interest on <a href="http://www.datingsitebuilder.com//">dating</a> online. I think it a good way.


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