Single in Studio City: Getting to Know You Getting to Know All About You

Some are desperate for attention after hibernating for eons. They accept the first contender who notices them. They aren’t selective and don’t have a healthy sense of boundaries in place, a skill that takes tons of practice while in a committed, long term union.

What does building a trustworthy bond mean? Is it true you can ascertain in the first five minutes if you’ve met your counterpart? Does chemistry overshadow other aspects? What does compatibility look like? 

How do you identify your prospective mate’s moral fiber, ethics, core values? Can you detect the extent of his/her reliability, honesty, loyalty, consideration, compassion, patience, devotion, resilience, flexibility, courage, generosity (of spirit, mind, and body)? What are the signs indicating trouble with a capital T?

Can you tell in a solitary experience or do you require multiple scenarios to form an adequate opinion? If your judgment has historically been defective, what methods are beneficial in adjusting your perspective? 

This sounds so scientific. Perhaps, that’s the most effective path to discerning when you’ve encountered your match. Considering the theory that ‘love is blind’, wouldn’t it pay to have an objective input? 

Many single people have damaged “pickers.” If that notion rings a bell, it might behoove you to discuss your intentions with faithful third parties. BFF’s and close family members are usually a wonderful source for feedback. Hopefully their intimate awareness of your constitution will guarantee your best interests ensue.

Once you leave the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship, your true colors often emerge.  You really comprehend the essence of the individual you’re communing with. Although not gender specific, there are typical characteristics that could conceivably surface. 

For women, that may constitute going au naturale, i.e. without makeup, declining sexual advances, moodiness, jealousy, intolerance, demands, pissy posture.

For men, that can range from bursts of anger and frustration to zoning out in front of the sports channel ad infinitum, not showering for a day or more, retreating inside their cave, refraining from conversation for hours or days, possessiveness, inhospitality.

Everything today is about speed. Hence, speed dating i.e. eight minutes to determine is he/she’s the One, is a big sell. I’m not advocating complete futility. However, accepting the results with a grain of salt appears to be a favorable reaction.  

If you agree with the maxim that “It takes at least four seasons to get to know someone,” then how exactly can you authentically connect after several trysts or merely emailing back and forth for months? How do you establish an enduring rapport with a member of the opposite sex?

Why do scores of single people believe it’s advantageous to tell all in the preliminary assignation?  A myriad talk ceaselessly about their exes, especially when freshly out of a union. They’re still holding on to hostility and animosity towards former lovers. 

The surest style to turn off a possible partner is carrying on a discourse about earlier trysts. No one wants to spend an evening subjected to rants, ravings, and diatribes concerning previous liaisons. 

In fact, an excellent gauge of good character is how amiably your gent/lady is with prior hookups. If Mr/Ms Right speaks nicely of old ties (and associates as a rule), it’s an impressive sign. Lingering wrath and revenge seeking antics are better left for therapy sessions. They’re apt to quickly quash an occasion for passion that might otherwise have transpired. 

Much can be exposed in sitting down face to face with a potential sweetheart. Observe how he/she treats employees and fellow customers. Does politeness, thoughtfulness, graciousness, pleasantness, and respectfulness predominate or does coldness, harshness, cynicism, surliness, antagonism, and distance prevail?   

 Would you describe your babe as an active listener or totally self obsessed to the extreme you can’t get a word in edgewise? Is he/she sincerely engrossed in you or only in hearing themselves expound on the state of affairs?

Do they text or hold onto their cell phone for dear life?  Are they ogling the handsome waiters or sexy waitresses? Are they neat and clean, smelling fresh and fragrant? 

Use your senses. They’re the fundamental ingredients absent in online interactions. Face to face dealings are key, which is why I recommend circumventing hours of back and forth, cyberspace gab.

Of course nothing beats the impact of a kiss. “It’s in his (her) kiss, that’s where it is…,” as the classic song lyrics convey. That’s where you can pick up on the coveted qualities of warmth, tenderness, affection, sincerity, sensitivity, gentleness, et. al.

On the next occasion for a rendezvous, contemplate staying in the moment. Relax and try not to worry about making an impression or being a chameleon to please your promising candidate Let them adore you “Just The Way You Are.” (kudos to Billy Joel)

If you’re supposed to be together, no matter what you say or don’t say or do or don’t do, you will be. If it’s not meant to be, no matter what you say or don’t say or do or don’t do, it won’t be.

Confidence and poise radiate from within. Even if you’re scared, remember that your ‘hopeful’ is likely, similarly afraid.  Ponder handling this burgeoning fondness without hidden agendas.  Find out what makes them tick. Let your heart and soul lead the way.

Stay optimistic, light, and lively. There’s no right or wrong. This isn’t a test. There are no report cards or grades.

Even if you’ve concluded he/she isn’t your ‘happily ever after,’ recollect everything happens for a reason.  If this isn’t the perfect link for you, you can still have an enjoyable night on the town, behaving with kindness, empathy, and a giving spirit.

Change your perspective. Don’t be a dating downer. No matter what you’re feeling emotionally or psychologically, alter your stance by accentuating the positive.

Imagine you’re on a job interview. Put your finest foot forward. Smile and locate commonalities. If you don’t end up with your romantic equivalent, you may behold a new friend, who may eventually present your prince/princess charming, a novel business endeavor, or an exciting social group.         

On that note, don’t miss the incomparable Super Singles Mixer Dance Party on Saturday October 6th, 8p-12M, Ages 40-60, at the Green St. Hotel, Romanesque Ballroom, 50 E. Green St. Pasadena.

$20 cash at the door includes: an unlock ice breaker**(explained below); light supper/dessert buffet; additional meetup organizations, i.e. SoCal Fun, SoCal Tribe, Los Angeles Baby Boomers, Delicious Affordable Dining; dancin’ to super rockin’ DJ; plus free fun stations, e.g. Eric and his heavenly foot reflexology, Chinese face and angel card readings.

**Those who chose to participate, get a lock (boys) or a key (girls). Then you can make contact with different recruits to see if your lock or key fits. Unlock a lock and you receive a raffle ticket for terrific prizes.  Obtain a second lock or key, start again, and so on and so forth.

Easy, entertaining, and super successful, this wonderful approach to mingling is an inviting and tantalizing dialogue opener. It encourages guests to initiate a tete-a-tete and develop a deeper exchange of ideas.