Is Sex Highly Overrated?

What happens after the ecstasy? Is there silence? Are you speechless? Is there a semblance of communication between you and your paramour? Are you left feeling lonely, empty, and hollow?

How do you keep from falling into a sexually addictive syndrome, i.e. crazy with it, crazy without it? Is it possible to de-powerize the act?

Hooking up with a lover who doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship is common. Even if Mr./Ms. Almost Right professes to desire a lasting link, you may determine he/she is petrified to proceed in that direction, especially having had an abundance of previously negative experiences.

What is it about being vulnerable that's scary and overwhelming? Why are a majority of single people afraid of sensitivity, openness, accessibility? Is internet dating engaging because it’s less daunting than having to deal face to face, where eye contact and body language are quite revealing? Is it safer to remain online where you can avoid in-to-me-see?  

Depending on how much baggage your mate has and how capable he/she is of living in the present and letting go of the past, is directly proportional to the likelihood of a meaningful union developing and thriving.

It takes conscious awareness and due diligence to stay in the now, away from regret for the past and fear for the future. Courage and a leap of faith are crucial to trust that the universe has bequeathed you with your current main squeeze for a reason beneficial to both parties.

Nevertheless, how do you weed out the junk and find the real thing, the quality, classy dearest you covet? Why is everyone settling these days for less than their dreams? Just like in any endeavor, how do you hold onto your values and mores without being influenced by what your cohorts think? 

What is required to treat yourself as a priority and refrain from falling into the trap of ‘people pleasing’? How do you prevent your honey from behaving towards you in a dishonorable fashion, i.e., with disdain, contempt, judgment, criticism, and absent the unconditional respect you deserve?

Boundaries and lines are consistently crossed as couples accept destructive, detrimental conduct they’d never permit under different circumstances. Simply by being silent, you’re passively consenting. Countless are petrified to speak up worried Mr./Ms. Wonderful will jump ship. Abandonment concerns loom during every tete a tete.

This dilemma is spreading rapidly causing an epidemic. The psychological ramifications can be toxic and lethal. Whatever happened to the maxim: ‘Do unto others as you would have others do onto you?’

Adding to the problem is the increased usage of online dating sites, where you never know who you’re really dealing with. Before getting invested, you may want to consider obtaining a background check on your “perfect” match.

MyMatchChecker.com and BeenVerified.com give quick access to public records and compile info in a handy, pre-date report. For about $15, you can acquire someone’s age, addresses, and criminal history. They can search marriage or divorce records and help you learn if your Prince/Princess Charming is creepier or kinder.

Why are sexual standards the first to go in dating scenarios? A majority will hop in the sack on a preliminary encounter, not out of love, but accompanied by a sense of obligation and belief it’s expected. Intercourse has become the ‘end all, be all.’

How frequently do you fake an orgasm solely to feign satisfaction when you wish he/she would cease the monotony? Have you capitulated regarding the prospect of contentment in the bedroom?  

A number of guys rate every tryst according to how soon they score. Similarly, society and the media are focused on the best use of your sexuality to attract the opposite gender, i.e. appearing seductive and tantalizing, dressing alluring and appealing, all in order to catch the object of your fancy.

Is there more to a rapport than just sex? What about actually liking the person you’re with? Where does that theory fit in? Loads of pairs aren’t even fond of one another. They don’t care about spending time simultaneously, let alone sharing on a profound, primal level.

Sleeping together may fulfill bodily gratification, but when it comes to everyday existence, there’s little in common and the parties frankly don’t give a damn. Late night sessions are suitable, but beyond that, why bother?

Which is going to last, a great sexual attachment, or affection built on a significant foundation, e.g. camaraderie, friendship, high spirits, merriment, understanding, perseverance, dedication, devotion, admiration, reliability, compassion, humor?  If you can’t have fun, laugh, and play with your partner, then what’s the point!

What happened to ‘making love’ as a result of adoring your ‘intended’ inside and out and wanting to afford them pleasure? How about waiting long enough to discover who you are, individually and as a duo? It takes four seasons to get to know someone and yet sex usually transpires earlier, clouding perceptions and creating complications.

It’s a challenge to converse verbally and nonverbally with a smidgeon of success and survive daily trials and tribulations. Adding the sexual component without solid, substantial, underlying groundwork necessary to support a team of two, further encumbers the situation.

Perhaps there is something valid in the ‘90 Day Rule’ brought to light by the new thought provoking, stimulating, and hilarious film, Think Like A Man, based on Steve Harvey’s 2009 bestseller, ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.’ In this superb comedy, now in theatres, a gal enforces a 90 day moratorium before sleeping with her guy, who’s been categorized as ‘The Player.’

On their first date, she refuses to get in the car saying, “I don’t go out with anyone who doesn’t open doors for me.”  He appeases her and a parallel process continues with each subsequent rendezvous. Albeit ‘the Player’s’ sexual advances are unrequited, he falls head over heels, having gotten to genuinely comprehend, appreciate, and value her on a sincere and heartfelt plane. This is a novel notion for ‘The Player,’ who is overwhelmed by the effect his babe has on him.

What’s your MO? Are you the player, the noncommittal one, the dreamer, the momma’s boy?  Are you the female who acts like a male, the single mother who’s reluctant to introduce her boyfriend to the kid(s), the woman who wants a ring, the 90 day rule girl? Check out the flick or read the book for additional concepts, e.g. that your sweetheart may want to hear the three magic words, ‘I Love You,’ as a prerequisite to engaging in sexual gratification.

Bottom line: If you love someone enough you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to have them in your life. How do you know if you love him/her that much? Do you have to be without them to realize what you’re missing?

In the words of the infamous song, ‘Foolish Little Girl,’ are you the “foolish little girl, fickle little girl, you didn’t want him when he wanted you, he’s found another love it’s her she’s dreaming of and there’s not a single thing that you can do, but I love him, no you don’t it’s just your pride that’s hurt, I still love him, tomorrow is his wedding day…?”

Are you an old fashioned lady/gent who can ‘have you at hello’ if he/she puts a jacket on a puddle for you to walk over; sends you flowers; stares into your eyes as if you’re the only woman/man in the world amongst a room full of bachelors/bachelorettes; writes or sings you a love song, sends you a card merely to mention he’s/she’s thinking of you; surprises you with tickets to your favorite rock n roll concert? 

There are cultures where it’s customary to lie at the foot of your intended’s bed for a certain allotment of time, in advance of consummating the marriage. Many religions advocate abstinence prior to tying the knot.

Ponder what your authentic principles are and re-evaluate whether you’re holding true to them. It’s not too late to reconstruct your process, approaching the single’s domain with an outlook closer to the bona fide you.

Singles Slogan for the Week: Sing as though no one’s listening. Dance as though you’re alone. Live as though heaven is on earth. Love as though you’ve never been hurt before.

On that note, don your dancing shoes, Tuesday, May 1st at 8:30p, for a swing dance lesson (only $5.00) at Joe’s Great American Bar and Grill, 4311  West Magnolia Blvd., Burbank, 91505, 818-729-0805, followed by a terrific live band playing swing, jazz, blues, and more at 9pm. The lessons are taught by 2011 National Champions, Steve Sayer and Fancy Dougherty.

Arrive solo if you’d prefer as you'll be rotating in the course of the lesson, a grand opportunity to meet available folks. Joe’s has a large dance floor, full bar, and full menu until 10p consisting of burgers, wings, sandwiches, salads, and appetizers. There’s pool, darts, games, TV, a friendly and casual vibe, and lots of free street parking.

On Friday night, May 4th  from 7:30-11:30pm, you’re invited to hear the sizzling hot, sexy, sultry Latin jazz singer, Anita Robles, accompanied by Rico Belled on guitar and Ronnie Gutierrez on drums, at Malbec Argentinian Bistro, 10151 Riverside Drive, Toluca Lake, 91602, 818-762-4860.  No cover. Come celebrate Anita’s birthday with amazing sounds, fine dining, and cool drinks at this warm, cozy establishment.