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Single in Studio City: Are You A Know-It-All?

It’s difficult to succeed in a meaningful relationship when you already know what’s best for your partner. You may believe you understand what would make him/her a better person.

You might think you’re aware of how your intended should behave. Perhaps you’ve construed the means to help your mate grow and evolve into the optimum individual you reckon he/she desires.

Have you been living under the guise that as a parent, teacher, employer, seasoned pro, friend consultant, confidante, you have all the answers? Are you burdened with the sense that being wrong makes you an embarrassment and disappointment to yourself and those in your close circle of cohorts?

Are you afraid to admit mistakes? Do you rarely say you’re sorry? Are you loathe to accept the concept that you’re uncertain in various areas? Do you hide your insecurities? Have you survived under the false perception that you’re invincible and incomparable?

Do you spend hours bickering ad infinitum just so you’ll prevail at any expense? Do you squabble until you come out on top? Are you more concerned with the conquest than in how you get there? Do you steam roll over anyone or anything to be victorious?

How many people rely on you and consider you their Rock of Gibraltar? Do you revel in that theory, feeling glorified amid the flattery?

When you hook up with a sweetheart, are you relentless about your side of the story? Do you refuse to budge from your position? Are you prideful of your innate talent to convince comrades to change their viewpoint and perform as you wish? Do you project an attitude that it’s your way or the highway?

Have you been precocious from a young age, given kudos for your intelligence, cleverness, and wit? Were you labeled a ‘Know It All?’ If so, did you deem that the supreme compliment? Did you think you had to uphold that identity in order to be liked and appreciated?

Were you persuaded that if your paramour consented to your designs, you’d be able to maintain a rewarding and productive liaison? Do you blame past lovers for failed unions, ignoring the prospect that you were a major factor in their demise?

Did you ever ponder the possibility you’re neither omnipotent nor inimitable and further, that those traits aren’t favorable for a fulfilling, long term commitment? The truth is that having to be right is detrimental to intimate bonding.

The most flourishing romantic links occur when at least one party is mature, assured, and confident enough to acknowledge their shortcomings. The best way to win an argument and in turn boost your esteem, is apologizing even if your contribution to the quandary is a mere 1%.

Rising above the pettiness and impulse to triumph is half the battle when attempting to solve disputes or disagreements. Can you imagine a community in which everyone expressed regret for their miniscule roles, forcing an immediate end to dissension?    

If these notions ring a bell, it’s time for transformation. As the leaves fall and you observe the magnificent colors, it’s the perfect opportunity to start with a clean slate, voiding your brain of rigid principles that no longer serve you.

Contemplate letting go of preset agendas in the dating arena. What would that entail when searching for the man/woman of your dreams? You’d have to be receptive to novel visions about who’s the ideal match for you. You might be pleasantly surprised when the love of your life is 360 degrees from what you’ve previously predicted.  

What if you didn’t have responses to every inquiry? What if you didn’t have the solution to every problem? What if you couldn’t figure out how to fix things for you or your beloved? What if you couldn’t fathom the next vital step?

Reflect on the premise of “dumbing down.” Mull over a world where you ask those you encounter for their input and cede you aren’t informed. Since everyone has the antidote within, tapping into their central core is the most valuable, reliable resolution.

Ponder being flexible and listen sincerely to what your intended has to say. You’ll have to accept the truth that your involvement isn’t mandatory and that he/she can survive quite effectively without your feedback. Furthermore, your significant connection is apt to blossom and prosper faster and farther after locating their personal power as a guiding force.

The more you comprehend you haven’t a clue, the more you learn. Without discovery and open mindedness, you may as well hole up in a cocoon and nix interacting beyond your four walls, both literally and figuratively.

Here are additional methods to alter your stance and avoid the pitfalls of the know-it-all:

1 - Look for the question mark! Only offer your advice or opinion when asked.

2 – Find out how you can support others in their endeavors, in the mode they crave.  Differentiate your dreams from theirs (especially relevant with your children).

3 - Remove your ego from the scenario and encourage others to find their own strength to carry on rather than having to lean on you.

4 - Refrain from using the word “should.” Completely delete it from your vocabulary.

5 - Follow the Indian saying: “Great Spirit may I not render judgment upon another until I have walked for one moon in his moccasins.”

6 – Admit blunders straight away and declare you may not be competent to distinguish what fits in someone else’s scheme.

7 – Enhance the other person’s bouyancy until he/she can make healthy choices. Celebrate their feats whether big or small. Praise them and continually confirm your faith in their ability to accomplish whatever they focus on.

8 – Dwell on the positive rather than the negative. Regularly draw attention to their good qualities and assets.

9 – Realize that each person is divine with a loving heart and soul, no matter how guarded they appear. Those who convey arrogance, anger, resentment, and rage are often extremely sensitive. Hence, they’ve constructed the deepest fortresses preventing ties, while protecting their vulnerable natures from future pain or rejection.

10 – Unearth the love, radiance, joie de vivre, and luminosity inside everyone you encounter. Tap into their beauty and you will attain the same within you.

11 – Trust in the widespread rightness on the planet, recognizing the universe will provide the obligatory path for the yearnings and aspirations of its inhabitants.

Don’t miss a thrilling pre-Halloween Costume Party Saturday evening, October 20th, from 8pm-2am, at Jeff Rector’s Castle, 4917 Woodman Ave., Sherman Oaks, 91403. You’re bound to hook up due to the innumerable, eligible ghouls, gals, ghosts, and guys waiting to spookily sweep you off your feet, intrigue you, allure you. Beware of copious bewitching potions prepared to seduce and charm you.

This fabulous annual bash includes: full open bar with "Evil Spirits" poured by a heavenly “Bargoyle,” featuring Stella Artois, Flip Flop wine, Forty Degrees vodka, rum, gin, tequila, Hansen’s Natural & Monster Energy Drink; Gourmet buffet of ham, chicken, salads, veggies, assorted side dishes, tantalizing desserts; amazing Fire Show by Red Swan Entertainment…they twirl it, swallow it, breath it; DJ Dave Waterbury spinning music into the wee hours, plus a pulsating multi-colored light show on the dance floor; photos on the Blood Red Carpet; a costume contest; and a raffle with prizes.

Tickets: $15 in advance/$20 at the door. Costumes are compulsory or a $10 charge will be imposed! Proceeds go to the 2013 Burbank International Film Festival, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Donations are tax-deductible.

RSVP: jeffrector@jeffrector.com. Info: 818-601-2082.

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