Single in Studio City: Back to the Beginning

Nearly a year has passed since this column debuted on Valentine’s Day, 2011, an apropos opportunity to consider your progress thus far. What have been your lessons, gifts? How have you grown, evolved? What changes have had the most impact on your attitude

Take a moment to reflect upon the topics covered, e.g. Spotting Singles; Striking Up A Conversation; Handling Rejection; The Singles Stigma; Giving Up Me To Be Loved By You; Online Dating; Having A Better Divorce Than Marriage; Single Parenting; First Date Etiquette; I Can’t Say No; Keeping The Love You Find; Can Compromise Become Codependency; How Do You Know If Someone’s Right For You.

Additional areas included: Can Men And Women Be Friends Or Does Sex Always Get In The Way; Dating Deal Breakers; Flirting For Fun And For Free; Where Have All The Single People Gone; How To Fight Fair; To Sex Or Not To Sex: That Is The Question; Under The Same Roof; Going To Any Lengths For Love And Lust; Who Wears The Pants In The Family. 

If you don’t recall a particular subject or for those starting out, reread, print, and highlight the parts you relate to. Refer to the ‘Singles Slogan for Today,’ section following each article. Recite them daily as affirmations.

Are you still frustrated that you haven’t advanced at the rate you expected? Do you believe your efforts are wasted, that you’ll never find love or live happily ever after? Are you ready to throw in the towel and revert to hopelessness and loneliness? Have you decided your prince/princess charming exists exclusively in fairy tales?     

Do not despair. Your journey has just begun. 365 days may seem like forever, but bear in mind that it took you ____ years (fill in your age) to get where you’re at and it may entail a sizeable portion of that period to undergo extensive, significant transformation.

The good news is that if you’re currently practicing a newfound awareness and consciousness, continuing to seek a path towards excellence, specifically regarding meaningful and affectionate relationships, you’re already a winner.

Anything that is valuable and precious requires nurturing, ceaseless commitment, and perpetual dedication. The more effort you put forth, the more fruitful and everlasting the results. It’s not a competition. Your personal best is the sole objective.   

Hopefully, your travels have taken you inwards where you’ve eliminated numerous dragons in your closet. However, new monsters are always lurking under the bed. Nevertheless, blessings of grace, joy, gratitude, and peace emanate from beyond the darkness. There you’ll come to appreciate the unique, brilliant, intuitive, and imaginative talent you are, realizing the gold, riches, jewels, fortune, and fame you’ve been seeking are within.

As the inimitable artist of your life, you’re capable of designing, directing, and creating whatever direction you desire. If your aspiration is to attract a partner, you can develop a canvas and palette containing the necessary elements for that purpose, e.g. accentuating your assets, improving communication skills, putting your finest foot forward physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Everything you have right now is everything you need to establish an intimate connection. All the crucial strength and courage resides internally. Embrace your depth, insight, and individual power.  Let your spirit shine through. The pure light inside you will guide you all the way on.

If you’re committed to a course of self discovery and attentive, mindful associations, just like in any adventure, there are ups and downs, easy roads, and ones full of potholes. The rough spots carry the messages that produce the greatest rejuvenation when you choose to acknowledge them. If you ignore these signs, the universe will present them again in another form until you’ve mastered the underlying issues.

Similar to any story, there’s an introduction, middle, and climax to your private voyage. Facing your fears allows you to reach a conclusion where happiness awaits. You can have your own Hollywood finale, albeit in a different mode than envisioned. It may take the shape of a sweetheart to be crazy about; a child to adore; a best friend to admire; a family member to respect; a pet to revere, a business endeavor, humanitarian effort, or political passion to honor.

Many of the places you’ve traversed may seem surprisingly familiar. That’s due to the fact that the outcome will bring you back to the beginning, returning to that comfortable, restful setting you call ‘home.’

Visualize the young boy/girl you were at five or so, before influences of society, media, or concepts of should and shouldn’t, when you felt safe, secure, cozy, loved, and protected. You’ll encounter the original magnificence from the innate recesses of your heart and soul, the spectacular essence that’s distinctly intrinsic and central to you and you alone.

Filled to the brim with pride, glory, and enthusiasm, you’ll awaken every day bursting with bliss, finally comprehending that you’re the missing piece you’ve been searching for. You may reach a peak after going twenty steps forward, suddenly reversing 19 and a half rungs.

If anxiety throws you into disarray once more, revisit the basics. Contemplate that earlier age when you were fancy free, innocent, and without worries. Picture the occasion, e.g. playing in the yard, swinging on a swing, riding a bike, finger painting, running through the sprinklers, eating a hot fudge sundae, playing kick the can with the neighbors, jumping on a trampoline, being cuddled and rocked to sleep, smelling the flowers.

Try to duplicate the sensation you experienced.  Immerse yourself in nature where the roots of all entities foster a complete, optimal balance.  Better yet, get your hands dirty in the garden, roll around in the grass, toss a Frisbee, listen to sound of the wind blowing through your hair, swim in the ocean, picnic under the stars, fetch your rusty trumpet and toot your favorite tune, scream at the top of your lungs while driving bumper to bumper during rush hour.

When you’ve hit a wall, stay in the moment, and purposefully embark on the next indicated action, i.e. help the kids with their school assignments, cook dinner, get dressed for work, finish the report that’s due, pick up the cleaning, buy groceries, take a long hot bath.

In any event, remember to concentrate and focus on your breath. Inhale the positive, exhale the negative; inhale the warmth, exhale the cold; inhale the brightness, exhale the gloominess.

Above all, tell yourself over and over that everything is in perfect order according to the plan that’s paramount for your highest good and the benefit of everyone you care about.      

Singles Slogan for Today: “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” T.S. Eliot

Check out a cool singles event this Tuesday January 31st, 7:30pm at The Grove: a free screening of the romantic comedy, “This Means War!” starring Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, and Tom Hardy, hosted by Julie Ferman and Cupid’s Coach, http://cupidscoach.com/Event.aspx?id=321 (as featured on 7/24/11 in Single in Studio City: Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me a Match).

For a complimentary pass, go to http://tinyurl.com/6wl3q2a . Log in or create an account and follow the prompts. The link will allow up to 200 people to download printable tickets on a first come, first served basis, while supplies last.

Laurie Freitag January 29, 2012 at 07:32 PM
Great article Debra! Why do you think I hang out with babies as much as possible?? : )
Elizabeth Carder January 29, 2012 at 07:46 PM
Great Article today. There's Still Hope for Me!?!?!?! Yea! I've been so worried. My long-time roommate, is freaking out as I've got a boyfriend now. My roommate, Steve, has been my security in life for So long, I'm afraid to have him move on. At the same I'm dating a guy, whom I'm really not sure loves me enough to marry me. I'm a nervous wreck. Your article's helped. Thanks! Elizabeth
Joseph D'Eramo February 01, 2012 at 03:42 PM
Just a little side note, but Julie Ferman was recently voted "Best Matchmaker" by iDATE, an Internet dating conference.


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