Single in Studio City: Can Compromise Become Co Dependency?

The bona fide question is how to be true to yourself while honoring your significant other’s desires and dreams.

Do any of the following scenarios ring a bell?

You spend the weekend camping even though you’d prefer a five star hotel and end up coming home with poison ivy.

Trying to be flexible, you give up your Saturday sports game to attend the opera, are bored and resentful, later taking your anger out on your date.

For the past month, you’ve had Chinese, are dying for Mexican, but your mate’s allergic, so you toughen it up once more.

Your current squeeze has been making jokes about your new haircut and instead of saying it’s hurtful, you cancel plans, feigning food poisoning.

An early morning interview is on the horizon but your partner wants to make love. Afraid to decline, you acquiesce, waking up the next day feeling unfocused and irritable.

If you relate to any of the above, you’re most likely headed in the direction of toxic territory rather than a healthy, interdependent relationship.

Where does compromise fit in? Compromise is finding the middle ground, meeting halfway, a give and take. It’s not about complying, conceding, or submitting.

That’s easier said than done when it applies to personal circumstances that require negotiating.

The bona fide question is how to be true to yourself while honoring your significant other’s desires and dreams.

Perhaps you find long term issues, i.e. family, marriage, children, or religion less challenging than everyday nuances. Or is it vice versa?   

A successful outcome takes practice, practice, practice. Many don’t want to take the time or put in the necessary effort, throwing in the towel when the going gets rough.

A majority of couples never get past the honeymoon phase. They’re complacent and don’t want to exert themselves. To put it bluntly, they’re lazy and want everything handed to them on a silver platter. 

They bail after a few dates, figuring there are plenty of fish in the sea. They live by the motto: my way or the highway.

Identical problems crop up over and over, only the names and faces change. They wonder why the same conclusions ensue, ad infinitum.

The point at which compromise begins is precisely when deep meaningful connections start to thrive. 

Nothing worthwhile ever comes without resolve, hard work, and persistence. Success is getting up one more time after you’ve been knocked down yet again.

The key is to take baby steps. Be willing to share what your comfort zone is, remembering that you don’t have to give up who you are to be loved by someone else.

Then listen carefully and compassionately to the person to sincerely find out what’s important to them.

Make sure you delineate the weight of the matter, choosing your battles wisely. Most situations can be demystified by adjusting your perspective, e.g. looking at the glass half full instead of half empty.

When you’re stuck or something about an individual is driving you crazy, it’s in all probability, indicative of the very factor in you that needs tweaking.

Everyone is a mirror for you to see into your soul.  

The best way to improve interaction, facilitate communication skills, avoid frequent impasse, and excel at compromise is through mediation, a short term solution with long term results, in a safe environment.

For a free private phone consultation, call 818-753-8898 or email Debra at mnm2226@aol.

Check out Sex and the City season 4, episode 9, “Sex and the Country” where Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) visits Aidan (John Corbett). Click on this link for the apropos moment:  www.youtube.com/watch?v=53JCUfw4cC4

Be sure to stop by the Oyster House, in Studio City’s own backyard, June 20th at 10pm, for Monday Night Jazz with Grammy nominated trumpet virtuoso, Ron King, (he’s single, girls!) backed by talented musicians, Andy Langham, keys; Joey Heredia, drums; and Joel Hamilton, bass.

Singles slogan for today: I will practice cooperation and compromise by clearly expressing my preferences and respecting those of another, without sacrificing my esteem.


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