Do you wish you could appear composed and confident? Are you petrified to approach a stranger? Do you consider yourself a fly on the wall, small, dull, nondescript? Are you a ball of nerves and insecurities, while everyone else seems cool, calm, and collected?
Many children are taught by parents, relatives, and teachers to be seen and not heard. The following words are frequently expressed: “don’t bother me,” “go outside and play,” “you’re such a burden,” “be quiet,” “be still,” “silence is golden.”
Society habitually invokes the “don’t talk, don’t cry, don’t laugh, don’t emote, don’t have needs, don’t be inquisitive, fit in, go with the flow” rules.
Often, the seemingly best solution and method for survival is to shut down and become invisible, believing that’s essential in providing happiness and contentment to those close to you. This approach is typically carried into adulthood, making meaningful relationships and communication extra challenging and demanding.
If any of these messages sound familiar to you, it’s understandable you’ve coped by suppressing your uniqueness, intuitiveness, imagination, soulfulness. Now is an excellent opportunity to regain your creativity, inner strength, and self-esteem in order to be the magnificent, dynamic individual you’re intended to be.
Start with affirmations, e.g. “I’m a light and all those I come across yearn to get to know me.” “I’m a shining star.” “I’m relaxed and radiant.” “Everyone I encounter longs to receive the brilliant sparkle I emit.” “I have so much to offer.” “I’m funny, fun, smart, exciting, entertaining, interesting, stimulating.” “I’m serene and assured.” “I project poise.” “People are drawn to me.” “Watch out world, here I am.”
Then hold your head up high and saunter into the nearest establishment. You’ll be amazed at the countless possibilities you’ll attract. You may have to fend off the multitudes of eligible bachelors/bachelorettes eager to participate in your refreshing, engaging, illuminating energy.
Just remember that everyone else is equally scared and awkward. Contemplate what might make you feel welcome, valuable, and respected. Would you be more satisfied in public arenas if a prospect initiated a conversation?
Would you be less stressed and anxious if you were invited to dance, grab a drink, strike up a conversation, or share a dessert? If the answer is yes, employ the maxim, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
When you find yourself complaining that no one is friendly, be friendly. If you constantly judge the crowd as a bunch of wallflowers, generate contact and connect on any and all levels available in the moment.
Don’t hesitate to make the first move when a man/woman catches your eye. As soon as you experience timidity or loneliness, reach out and discover another’s frame of mind. Query as to their comfort zone.
Love doesn’t come knocking at your door. An apt match awaits you when you’re ready to receive the resulting gifts of affection, tenderness, warmth, and fondness. Even though everyone has a soul mate, it’s imperative to actively pursue the guy/gal of your dreams. Once your inner regard is lifted, your outward appeal will soar.
You don’t have to work hard or put up a false façade to fascinate your ‘happily ever after.’ No matter what you do or don’t do; say or don’t say; look like or don’t look like; if you’re supposed to be together you will be. Conversely, no matter what you do or don’t do; say or don’t say; look like or don’t look like; if you’re not supposed to be together you won’t be.
The characteristic of charisma is significant when attempting to magnetize ‘Mr./Ms. Right.’ You can achieve this by causing the sensation that he/she’s the only person in the room. Give your complete, undivided, focused attention. Don’t allow anything or anyone to distract you. Stay cognizant and aware of the object of your desire.
Additionally, it’s important to exude power and depth through body language, stance, posture, carriage, deportment. Avoid fidgeting. Stand your ground firmly. Radiate optimism, enthusiasm, and cheerfulness. Speak slowly and assuredly. Listen carefully and conscientiously. Remain alert. Politeness and compassion are favorable qualities to convey.
The ability to express goodwill and empathy is central and fundamental. This can be displayed by pausing when asked a question. Not only does it give you a chance to furnish a clear response, but it will make your acquaintance or partner feel worthy of your consideration and concentration.
Who do you want to memorialize and honor on this holiday? Choose your favorite role model. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Tell that special someone you adore, appreciate, and admire them; you’re grateful for their presence in your life; and they matter to you immensely.
Practice makes perfect. Hone the skills discussed herein while attending ‘The King and I,’ starring Grammy nominated trumpeter Ron King and I, your trusted Single in Studio City columnist, celebrating our Gemini birthdays, on Memorial Day Monday from 9p-1a at the Oyster House.
Live jazz will be presented by Ron’s quartet of accomplished musicians: Andy Langham, keys; Hamilton Price, bass; and Ray Brinker, drums. King's magnificent standards and originals will surely touch your heart and put a smile on your soul.
Don’t miss the festivities which include party favors and treats. No cover. Kitchen closes at 10p. Arrive early for delicious fare.
On Wednesday, May 30, Dr. Dan’s Birthday Bash for Single Mature Adults, takes place from 7:30pm on, at Cabaret Tehran, 16101 Ventura Blvd., Encino CA 91436. There’ll be free light appetizers, drink specials, and dancing. It’s an ideal venue to apply the techniques referenced above.
If you prefer a personal rendezvous, escort your date to a wonderful film entitled, Hysteria, currently showing at the Hollywood Arclight Cinemas. This romantic comedy, based on the true story of the invention of the vibrator, will make for an enjoyable tryst and perhaps impart innovative tips on pleasuring your lover.
Studio City’s talented vocalist, Laura Pursell, performs every Wednesday at Robanos, 10057 Riverside Drive, Toluca Lake, CA 91602, from 7-10pm. A sexy, sultry singer, Pursell is accompanied by legendary guitar maestros, Ron Anthony (Frank Sinatra, George Shearing, Conte Condoli) and Barry Zweig (Sammy Davis Jr., Peggy Lee, Natalie Cole, Henry Mancini, et.al). No cover.
Laura declares, “I have the good fortune to join this stellar group in song.” The ensemble received a superb review in this month's issue of the "LA Jazz Scene." Surprise luminaries have been sitting in during sets.