You can’t open a new chapter until you conclude the preceding one. Nature won’t fill a space unless it’s already empty. Compulsory closure often appears overwhelming and unattainable.
If any of the following behaviors ring a bell, it may be an occasion to attempt an alternate approach.
Do you relentlessly replay the relationship in your head, preventing you from letting in current possibilities? Is your main goal to ensure no one else gets him/her?
Is the hurt and bitterness exceptionally strong and potent, blinding you to hopefulness and optimism? Are you livid and enraged, in a fuming fog, unable to function?
Do you beg and plead for a second chance? If you don’t get it, do you judge yourself as inadequate and unworthy?
Are you fickle, merely pining for your previous precious because it’s no longer mutual?
Do you play the victim, pulling the “woe is me” card to reap sympathy and wallow in self pity?
Do you condemn yourself for not being good enough, smart enough, pretty/handsome enough, sexy enough, funny enough, kind enough, or wealthy enough?
Is your ego wounded more than your heart? Do you sincerely miss this particular honey or primarily the idea of coupledom?
Do you voodoo his/her personal possessions that were left behind? Are you plotting revenge? Do you believe in an ‘eye for an eye?’
Do you conjure up bygones and ancient history, incessantly dissecting every aspect? Do you re-imagine a fantasy finish with castles in the sky and your Prince/Princess Charming?
Are you flabbergasted and bewildered that a separation happened, claiming no clue to the impending catastrophe?
Were you completely blindsided, utterly surprised when you heard the dreaded words, “We need to talk?” Did you visualize being a duo forever, convinced you’d finally met the man/woman of your dreams?
Were you crushed and forlorn? Did you realize it was doomed only after your partner expressed his/her desire for “space, freedom, and taking it slower?”
Do you point the finger at your preceding squeeze, whose major flaws you purport, ruined what you thought you had?
Are you convinced an apology or demonstration of remorse and regret would alleviate the pain? The feeling that release isn't plausible without one, is a setup for failure. Hearing an admission of faux pas can’t liberate your soul.
Winning or receiving justice won’t elevate you to a higher level of humility. Testing your past darling to determine if he/she will fight for you can’t cure your ailment, even if Mr./Ms. Almost Right succumbs to such scrutiny.
Where does the love actually go? Does it die, dissipate, transform, or simply fade over time?
When a meaningful merger ends, it’s comparable to a death, and therefore, the stages of grief apply. Anger, denial, depression, sadness, forgiveness, and acceptance occur, however, not all at once or in a designated order.
A majority deem the termination of a relationship to be a period of crisis. The Chinese word for crisis, wei-chi, is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other opportunity.
John F. Kennedy used this symbolism routinely in his speeches. Motivational speakers around the world have adopted the maxim.
Contemplate foregoing the danger description and welcome the parting of ways as an opportunity to grow and regain your power. Recollect that everything in life is either a gift or a lesson.
Step back and look objectively at how you might evolve from this experience. Try to refrain from the blame game which will further promote a detrimental attachment to your former mate.
Whatever the case, you’ve got a golden ticket to view your circumstances through clean and clear lenses. Ponder your perceptions and how you’ve interacted in prior intimate associations.
The more toxic the union, the harder it is to separate, reclaim your identity, establish valuable insights, and progress forward.
There is comfort in the familiar, most certainly when it’s been a destructive correlation. Summon up the courage to push beyond your safety zone by implementing contrary actions.
If you’re typically a social butterfly, spend some nights alone in reflection, pampering yourself, starting a journal, practicing affirmations, doing things that boost your esteem.
If you’re generally at home, afraid to venture out from the safety of your cocoon, initiate plans with close confidantes and cohorts. Ask friends to share and indulge in activities you crave, e.g. dancing, dining, wine tasting, watching movies, attending concerts, comedy shows, live theatre.
You can walk down the same road repeatedly or take a different path and explore unique avenues. Life is a series of journeys to be embraced and appreciated.
The other option is to persist in wearing blinders and staying stuck in self defeating scenarios, ad infinitum.
Have you noticed that the bulk of your encounters conclude in an equivalent fashion?
Although every tryst ostensibly looks distinctive, you are the variable that is the constant. The object of your affection may appear poles apart from your earlier amores, but the upshot is identical.
Wherever you go there you are. It’s not about altering exterior conditions or seeking another sweetheart, which will inevitably result in similar outcomes. The solution lies in modifying your internal makeup.
A loving liaison brings up everything unlike itself. When you’re passionately involved, a Pandora’s Box of negative character traits will unavoidably arise, especially if you haven’t been romantically linked for a while.
These usually consist of hidden, subconscious, entrenched demons, accumulating dust and cobwebs, on the verge of imploding or exploding. Did you ever detect how calm and serene you are when not tied into a significant pairing?
Conversely, as soon as a prospect crosses your path, you’re flustered, anxious, fearful, insecure, and basically ‘out of your mind.’ Hence, the term ‘crazy in love,’ has come to pass.
It’s been scientifically proven that a chemical shift in the brain transpires after lovemaking, when endorphins are soaring. That wild and uncontrollable sensation predictably ensues. You’re at the mercy of your hormones.
This is the perfect instance to deal with ingrained issues i.e. when they surface, rather than postponing the process and allowing the problems to become unfathomable, immeasurable, impenetrable.
Once and for all, you can uncover and discard your inner quandaries, clearing a route to attract the perfect union that will bring out the best in you.
The quickest technique to prepare for this novel event is to go inward and locate the force that delineates your brilliance. Abandon trepidation as your essence will guide and protect you.
Single people are habitually loath to be solitary and consequently, jump immediately from an existing guy/gal to the next. They overlook the importance of introspection. Some have prospects waiting in the wings as they can’t stand to be solo for a second.
If you’re never alone, you aren’t able to become cognizant, ascertain wisdom, and reach the source that will carry and support you through the trials and tribulations of a devoted, fervent hook up.
How do you handle it when your former babe unites with someone he/she has kept stashed away, just in case? Is it infuriating to watch them emerge happier than when they were with you?
If you’re not still together, it’s for the key reason that something much better is on the horizon. If you don’t forgive and forget, the sunlight of the spirit is blocked from entering your psyche and illuminating your reality.
The person holding onto the resentment suffers the most. Recollect that the greatest retaliation is contentment and joy, easily acquired by accessing the magnificent beauty, vim, and vigor that lies within your core.
Try to sidestep contrition and trust the future has a divine design in store. Know that the universe will provide for your every aspiration.
Reflect on recurring blunders and commit to traversing a diverse road less travelled. Resist shunning the endeavor, although inundated.
Celebrate this transitional stage. Rejoice in the now. Count your blessings. Gratitude will foster healing faster than vengeance.
On this Labor Day, slow down, smell the roses, relax, rejuvenate, refresh, revitalize, and ponder what’s working and what isn’t. Discard your superman/woman façade. You deserve a break today!