Are you fickle in love and in life? Does the Groucho Marx premise, ‘not wanting to be a member of any club that would have you,’ hit home? Do you test your ‘happily ever after’ ad infinitum?
Attempting to be relieved of feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness that accompany intimacy, do you run with scissors, playing Russian Roulette?
Are you like a bull in a china shop, destroying everything and everyone in your path? Do you pretend you’re content on your own, when in reality, you’re pining to hold a ‘main squeeze’ through the night?
After the honeymoon period, do you begin withdrawing sex/zeal, and instead, criticize, make fun of, or verbally demean your dearest? To provoke anger, do you hit below the belt, so you’ll break up, activating self-fulfilling prophecies?
Do you perform the push-pull dance, displaying passive-aggressive behavior just to confuse and keep your honey at a distance? To avoid commitment, do you use excuses, e.g. you’re moving too fast, I need space, you’re overly dependent, I’m not ready to meet the family, have sex, etc?
Are you convinced your paramour will cheat on you so you set up the scenario by being unavailable romantically, encouraging, accelerating, and instigating infidelity?
Do you continually point out defects in your babe using exaggerated faults and weaknesses as motivation to bail? Do you embellish stories to your friends and confidantes, striving to persuade them you’re participating in a detrimental and injurious match?
Are you the foolish little girl/guy as in the lyrics from the infamous song “Foolish Little Girl, fickle little girl, you didn’t want him when he wanted you. He’s found another love, it’s her he’s dreaming of and there’s not a single thing that you can do. But I love him. No you don’t it’s just your pride that’s hurt. I still love him.”
If any of the above rings a bell, there is hope for an alternative outcome.
The only proven way around this typical dilemma, and to prevent from irretrievably damaging that special bond, is to embark on inner work. Building your esteem and confidence will help prevent further destruction, bringing you to the realization that you deserve to be adored and treated like a queen/king.
It’s a truism that if you don’t accomplish the necessary healing and soul searching within your current association, you’ll have to tackle it with the next, until you learn the lessons. Going from one union to another won’t solve the problem because ‘you’ remain the constant. You’ll simply be changing the individuals you attract/pursue, continuing on the same merry-go-round.
If you’re close to someone at the moment, it follows that you’re ready for the task at hand. Step up to the plate. Invite the challenge to reflect off the mirror, offered by the universe in the shape of your significant other.
Look into your heart. Admire the beauty and brilliance that dwells inside. Recognize you have all the answers, that everything is in perfect order right here and right now. You’ll come to comprehend that your core is capable of seemingly insurmountable endeavors.
Many single men and women are allured by the ‘bad boy/bad girl’ to secure their familiar sense of shame and self loathing. They’re ill at ease and awkward with a boyfriend/girlfriend who inundates them with material, physical, and romantic gifts. In fact, they can’t cope with receiving in any form.
This often becomes apparent when one person in a couple can only give sexually but refuses to welcome any pleasure for themselves. Some may never reach orgasm, as it’s frightening to be that open and exposed, revealing the deepest part of their psyche in the presence of another.
Why is it at times much harder to take than to confer? Imparting satisfaction can put you in a position of power. Maintaining a false façade of control may function to shield you from experiencing vulnerability.
Are you afraid to be receptive and hence, let your barriers down? Chances are that the longer you’ve remained single and stuck in isolation, the harder it is to penetrate what has become an impassable fortress.
Conversely, there are those who are solely programmed to take, focusing on self gratification at any cost. It’s all about them. They’re not concerned in the least with sexually stimulating their companions. They’re selfish in the sack and make the worst bedfellows. They tend to deny affection and are so shut off, they snub any sign of warmth or sensitivity, e.g. refusing to hold hands or hug in private, let alone in public.
In addition to indicating character through sexual prowess, financial generosity is frequently a sign of emotional forthrightness and sincerity. On the other hand, being tightfisted monetarily can be a symptom of an inability and unwillingness to connect psychologically or spiritually.
The above state of affairs may produce a myriad of miscommunication in long term liaisons. It takes courage, commitment, dedication, and determination to be honest and express your authenticity, rather than beating around the bush, hiding your true thoughts. The key to a lasting link is directness and frankness.
Intimacy stands for ‘in-to-me-see.’ If you want to create and retain an enduring allegiance with your intended, it’s crucial to be forthcoming and genuine even if you’re worried about a negative response or judgment.
You can chose to affirm your angst and erroneous beliefs that you’re unwanted, unlovable, dreadful, and despicable, blocking the sunlight of the spirit. An apropos acronym for the word ‘fear,’ is ‘False Evidence Appearing Real,’ or ‘Fuck Everything and Run.’ In either case, trepidation can preclude you from the love you warrant.
The New Year is an apt opportunity to get past your anxiety and apprehension around susceptibility, seeking, accepting, and cherishing the devotion you merit. It might not manifest in the exact personality you’ve imagined, yet it’s the one that will carry you on the journey to being the best you can be.
Singles Slogan for Today: I select actions that make me feel good about myself, simultaneously reinforcing the notion that I’m valuable, vital, and ought to have fulfilling fondness and mutual passion. I will focus on how I comport myself, with integrity operating as my number one asset.
On that note, ponder this quote recited by Meryl Streep, playing the part of Margaret Thatcher, in the film, “Iron Lady:”
"Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny."
Author unknown
