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Why Do Nice People Choose The Wrong People To Date?

It’s the season to harvest the perfect crops. Hundreds are out in the fields searching for the best apples, the sweetest pears, the most savory berries.

How do you tell the good apples from the bad ones? In the same vein, how can you distinguish the good guys/gals from the bad? Furthermore, why do nice people frequently choose the wrong people to date? 

It’s a known fact that the longer you leave apples on the tree, the more chances they have to turn rotten. Correspondingly, prolonged ‘singledom’ typically leads to protracted periods without a mate.

As Oprah often professes, men/women who aren’t married by the time they hit the big 50, aren’t favorable candidates for a serious, intimate liaison. 

How exactly do you go about finding fruit that’s ripe at the core, ready to be plucked into adulthood, primed for life in a committed relationship?

Perhaps your picker is damaged. Do you continuously associate with members of the opposite sex who make you feel insignificant, invisible, insecure, frivolous, and contemptible?

Are childhood fears and traumas keeping you stuck in old destructive patterns?

Is it feasible to raise your level of esteem so your choices become beneficial and nourishing rather than toxic and detrimental?

Reconsider the tools discussed previously in this column e.g. affirmations, journal writing, spiritual awareness, meditation. Go back to the basics.

No matter how put together you look on the outside, altering an ineffective M.O., is an inside job. It takes perseverance and relentless dedication.

Assuming the maxim, “You accept the love you think you deserve,” it’s essential to arrive at a point where you truly believe you warrant the finest qualities in a partner.

After you’ve done the crucial, inner work and realize you’re an amazing, precious, valuable, admirable, talented, competent, creative individual, you’ll refuse to accept even the slightest negative behavior from a sweetheart.

The road gets narrower and your tolerance for malevolent interactions will incrementally decrease, directly proportionate to the extent of your mental, psychological, and emotional healing.

Your acquiescence to shaming verbal remarks, demeaning deportment, pessimistic attitudes, and dishonoring actions will dwindle by leaps and bounds.

Remember that there are no victims, only volunteers. By not speaking up, you’re assenting and therefore, accepting every hurtful contact, whether huge or miniscule.     

You may not fathom why caring, affectionate, amiable, gentle, warm, tender, thoughtful men/women, are hooking up with hostile, aggressive, arrogant, angry, argumentative, unpleasant, coldhearted lovers.  

Perhaps you’re suffering from an extremely low self image and as a result, seeking someone who treats you like a second class citizen, confirming the deep rooted sense that you’re worthless.

You may be highly uncomfortable in a scenario with an intended, who approaches you with respect, dignity, and reverence. You might recoil from that situation as if it were a hot flame.

How many commendable prospects have you let slip away and then later regretted? Do you subscribe to the rule that you wouldn’t want to join a club if they would have you?

If you feel small and unimportant after spending several occasions with your latest possibility, you can rest assured it’s not a match made in heaven.

Conversely, if you feel nine feet tall with the strength and courage to take on the world, you’re heading in the right direction.

Nothing short of a total transformation will ensure you break the cycle.

You can’t choose where you come from, but you can choose where you go from here.

Practice using your healthy selection device in a constructive manner at the Rock ‘n Roll Dinner Dance Party on Saturday October 13th at 7:30pm at Zeldin-Hershenson Hall, Stephen S. Wise Temple, 15500 Stephen S. Wise Dr. LA 90077.  

Follow the premise that you’re prepared to attract a potential babe who will recognize the royalty in you and marvel at your awesomeness. Reap what you sow by alluring the cream of the crop you covet and merit.

Cost: $25 at the door. Reservations aren’t necessary. Mixers/ice breakers; dance hosts; dancers welcome; live music by Tommy Tassi & The Authentics playing the greatest hits of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s.

Complete dinner includes baked chicken, veggies, rice, tossed salad, fresh cut fruit with chocolate cake, ice cream, and cookies for dessert. A full beverage bar consists of wine, beer, soft drinks, bottled water, coffee, and tea.

150 like minded singles are expected. Dress is rock ‘n roll attire or cool casual.

For more information call John: 310-204-1240 or send an email to: johnseeman@aol.com

Sheila October 08, 2012 at 11:05 PM
Your topic is so significant....so many find themselves in the same destructive patterns of behavior. As you so articulately pointed out, it's the internal work that must come first. This may not be an overnight miracle cure....but will have a big payoff at he end if you keep with it. THANK YOU DEBRA FOR YOUR MEANINGFUL CONTRIBUTIONS. A spiritual sister. S.

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