Legend has it that Humphrey Bogart’s first line in a stage play was: Tennis, anyone? Although it’s considered largely apocryphal now, so what? I thought I’d interview Bogie himself about our Studio City Tennis Program. He was a little cranky, I mean, he is dead, but we had fun talking over a couple of gins in a joint. Here’s the edited version.
RC: Bogie, I know you like tennis so I want you to help with getting the word out about our Tuesdays with tennis.
BOGIE: OK, Schweethearts, grab your racquet and get yourself over to Beeman Park on Tuesdays. Check that… it’s not really tennis for anyone, you gotta be 50 or over to show your mug to this group. But if you’re lookin’ for a good workout, this is the time and place for you.
RC: What would you say to people who don’t think they’re good enough?
BOGIE: You were misinformed! Players are ranked according to their playing skill and are matched only with those of equal rankings. This means you wind up with scores of 6-4, 7-5, not 6-1 or 6-0. Leave the bagels for breakfast. And, before I get lost in my gin joint here, this is doubles tennis. You miss a point, you can blame your partner.
RC: Actually, that’s not true, nobody blames anybody for anything.
BOGIE: Fine, fine. Have it your way. And that ranking thing? That also means that the better players get to play with their equals and you wind up with a challenging game that makes you feel like you’re a pro. Long as you can still walk after it’s over. OK, I’ve said enough. You fill ‘em in with some more dope on it.
RC: Thanks, Bogie. OK, this program is run under the aegis of the Studio City Parks and Recreation Program.
BOGIE: Aegis? What the hell kinda word is that?
RC: Sorry, under the supervision of the Studio City Parks and Recreation Program.
BOGIE: That’s better. Don’t use a ten dollar word when a fifty cent one’ll do. We’re talkin’ tennis here, not cricket.
RC: IF you’ll allow me to continue: The four courts at Studio City Park (corner of Beeman and Rye) are reserved every Tuesday from 8:30 a.m. – 10:30 a.m. This means no waiting for others to finish, no uncertainty as to “scoring” a court because the courts belong to us for that period of time. And, overseeing the festivities is our “den mother” Sharon Crigler.
BOGIE: The stuff dreams are made of.
RC: She’s married and you’re dead. Cool it. Anyway, Sharon makes sure the rankings are fair, that the rules are clear, that any disputes are arbitrated by those rules, the knowledge of which she has at her command.
BOGIE: Of all the gin joints in all the world I walk into one with a guy says “disputes” and “arbitrated.” Tell it like it is… No John McEnroe or Serena-like temper tantrums in this group. Life’s too short.
RC: Well, I was getting to that. Anyone over 50 knows well the meaning of “life’s too short.” To elucidate on that…
BOGIE: Elucidate? Stuff your thesaurus in your tennis bag!
RC: Fine, fine! To make that clear, there’s no maximum age in this group. For instance, we just celebrated one of our member’s 90th birthday. Yes, we have a nonagenarian who still has a little spring in his step and life in his serve.
BOGIE: If you say nonagenarian again when you mean 90 I’ll smack you with my martini glass.
RC: Yes, he’s 90! And he serves as an inspiration to those of us who hope we’re still walking at his age, much less playing tennis! So, come on down and join us! All you need is your own racquet. Balls and courts are provided. It’s $16 a month. Where else can you find that kind of therapy for less? For more details, contact Sharon Crigler at (818) 985-6236 or sharoncrigler@sbcglobal.net This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
BOGIE: Hey, don’t lift my lines.
RC: Sorry. Any parting thoughts, Bogie?
BOGIE: Here’s lookin’ at you, kids!
