You know you’re on “Downton Abbey” overload when:
- You laugh at Maggie Smith’s lines before she says them.
- You want to knock Matthew up side of the head for even thinking of turning down his ex-fiancee’s family inheritance. If he wants to be altruistic, maybe give it to someone down on his luck, who really needs it, someone like… I don’t know… his own FATHER IN LAW??
- Or perhaps give it to someone working for the underprivileged, where the money will do some good, someone like, I don’t know… his own MOTHER??
- Or maybe give it to someone who’ll assure him great sex for the rest of his days, someone like, I don’t know… his own WIFE??
- You fervently hoped that when Shirley Maclaine started singing in the parlor she would’ve belted out “If My Friends Could See Me Now!”
- You also wished that after singing “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” and holding Maggie Smith’s hand, the two of them would’ve fallen into a French kiss lip-lock, sending Mr. Carson into a delicious tizzy.
- You wished that after Lord Grantham told his wife, Cora, that he had blown HER entire fortune on a disastrous eggs-in-one-basket investment, that instead of taking the news with no more distress than if she’d lost an earring, she would’ve cold-cocked him with a right cross, laying the groundwork for the inevitable spin-off “The Real Housewives of Downton Abbey.”
- You hope that when Bates is released from prison (and is there anyone on the planet who thinks he WON’T be released from prison??)… that he and Anna have a baby boy, forcing Mr. Carson to refer to the child as Master Bates.
- When the Irish rebel Tom Carson said to Violet, the Dowager Countess, that “I bet you’ve never had a Republican at your table before,” you long for the days when the word “republican” was a proud and majestic reference.
- You laugh at Maggie Smith’s lines two lines after she says them.
- Despite all this, you can’t wait til next week’s episode.
