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Romney Air—Plane Talk!

Flight of Fancy.

Welcome to Romney Airlines, where a batch off 753/747's just rolled off the assembly line. You'll notice each plane has two right wings and no left turn signal. One new feature is our patented windows which can be raised or lowered by the flier in case he or she needs a breath of fresh air or if someone in the 753 section lights up a Cuban.

And pay no attention to those naysayers who claim you'll be sucked out of the plane if you open the window. Just put them out in the forest with tree huggers and global warmers, but make sure the trees are the right height. The front 53% of the plane is for members of the 753 Club. Seats are spacious, comfortable and are completely free to club members who pay a lifetime membership fee of 20 million dollars.

The 747 section of the plane is in the rear and it's for those want to fly solely on a wing and a prayer. I call this the Moocher Section, disappointing some of my staff who wanted to call it the Baggage Section. Costs for these seats are on a sliding scale based on the percentage of income tax you pay over the baseline 13%. Restrooms are a marvel of innovation!

Designed in Germany and manufactured in China, each of the restrooms in the 753 section contain bidets, which can double as a Mormon baptistry if the spirit strikes. The actual baggage section has a specially marked area for your horse. Plus, these planes are so unique that each city has a specially designated air strip devoted solely for their use.

I like to say "we don't taxi down the runway, we limo!"  So, what else can I say but sign up now! Romney Air... We fly at just the right height!

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Ilona Saari October 01, 2012 at 05:59 PM
OK - I admit it - this made me LOL!!!
Barbara Kennedy October 03, 2012 at 06:50 PM
Very funny, Richard!

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