Independence Starts Within

It’s possible to be involved in a long lasting relationship and yet remain liberated…perhaps even broader than when you’re unattached. It’s all about perspective. Freedom is a state of mind.

The path to autonomy requires setting, negotiating, and defining boundaries. Where do you end and the other person begin? You don’t have to be joined at the hip. Learning to appreciate and welcome differences is key. 

When you’re in a significant, amorous, tender, caring, affectionate partnership, you’re at your best because your esteem and self worth are boosted. The more secure you feel with your sweetheart, the more confidence you radiate, attracting favorable opportunities and alliances.

People are magnetized by the charisma, passion, and energy you exude, wanting to be a part of it. Associates are charmed and fascinated by your enthusiasm, zeal, devotion, loyalty.

As a result, you frequently thrive in business, social, and personal scenarios, excelling in areas you wouldn’t normally.   

Have you ever noticed how appealing married men/women are? What is it that’s intriguing and alluring? Could it be their poise, unguarded demeanor, composure, sang-froid, openness?

That’s why the maxim, ‘behind every good man is a good woman and behind every good woman is a good man,’ is valid.

Many stay solo for years believing it’s the only way to do as they please. The thought of having to answer to another human being is terrifying. Contemplating giving up their false sense of control is unimaginable.  

Those in this category are extremely disappointed in past encounters. They’ve erected impenetrable walls, refusing to let down the barricades they’ve spent their lives constructing. They display a façade declaring, “I don’t need anyone or anything.”

Are these unfettered men and women or are they just scared and bitter, afraid of rejection? In truth they’re actually chained and confined by their fears, preventing them from evolving. They’re often shackled in self obsession bordering on narcissism.

In order to cope, they pretend they’re okay on their own. They’ve resigned themselves to never hooking up with a member of the opposite sex. They have dinner alone. They go to movies alone. They abhor asking for help although it’s critical to their well being (see last week’s article).

They survive under the illusion they’re invincible and omnipotent. Instead of working as an asset, this attitude acts as a hindrance, covering up extreme sensitivity. They don’t trust their ability to withstand negative reactions or constructive criticism. They’re hanging on by a thin thread.

If you’re searching for someone with guts, courage, chutzpah, moral fiber, fortitude, such characteristics and behavior is a turn off. You won’t find what you’re looking for in a bachelor/bachelorette cut off from a world of intimacy rooted in a satisfying connection.

The capacity to love and be loved is the reason d’etre. Do you want to exist without emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual bonding? Seriously ponder this. What’s the worst that can happen? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

A soul mate is: “Someone with whom you can completely be yourself, share unconditional love and, when you look into each other’s eyes, you have the experience of being home.”

You can deal with situations together that may seem overwhelming when faced single handedly. Career, health, family stresses are easier with two. Scientists have documented that men die sooner if they’re unmarried.

Speaking of which, what happened to the concept of ‘til death do us part, in sickness and health, as long as we both shall live?’ When you commit, you gain a treasure trove of presents and presence.

Saying ‘I Love You,’ to a paramour means you’re in touch with your capable, beautiful, insightful, perceptive, aware components. It’s difficult to reach this level without a companion to reflect off of. When you’re on an island of one, transformation is less likely to occur.

Now is the idyllic opportunity. Prepare to have your last first date. A majority of singles complain they never get to a second or third tete a tete.

Do you have exceptionally high expectations, a narrow and limiting check list? Are you too picky, hard to please, demanding, persnickety? Do you anticipate a prospect sweeping you off your feet, bursting your bubble, blowing your mind, sending your heart and soul soaring?

There’s no perfect arrangement, no ideal combination, no magic potion. Love isn’t a phenomenon. It’s not simply a sensation that envelops your body until you’re wobbly in the knees. Love is an action, a decision.  

Every individual possesses positive and negative traits. When a pair romantically merges, their personalities will alternately mesh and repel. Weigh the pros and cons. Dodge basing a book by its cover. Avoid inferences centered around finances, fame, status, physical features.

How much does money and notoriety impress you? How substantial are they in the scheme of things? Are they glue that will hold you jointly through thick and thin?

Are you stricken with ‘me-it is,’ ending up separate, convinced no one will ever satiate your standards? Are you focused on superficial success and outer appearances that you don’t see the internal light shining?

Is a deal breaker realistic or an invention to keep you stuck? Couples stayed married and didn’t divorce in the past by accepting their spouse’s favorable and unfavorable aspects. They didn’t try to change them to fit a preconceived mold e.g. prince charming or lady Madonna nor overanalyze every little detail.

Was it less complicated, accepting weaknesses and acknowledge strengths without contemplating each element ad nauseum? Has intellectual prowess distorted your views precluding the attainment of gratification, contentment, and fulfillment?

“Happiness is a choice. You have to choose it and you have to fight for it.” (Drew Barrymore)

Independence Day is an apropos holiday to battle for the inherent right to love and be loved remembering it’s an inside job. You deserve all the gifts the universe has in store for you.

Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City is back in full swing!! The new River Rock Lounge will have its grand opening on Saturday July 7th. Dancing and Romancing in our home turf has returned!

There’s a happy hour Sunday-Friday from 4-7p; a late night happy hour Monday-Thursday from 10p-Midnight; and a bottomless mimosa brunch Sundays from 11a-3p. 

The lounge has craft beers on tap, a mixologist on deck, serious food, and live entertainment, seeped in the culture of old Hollywood with a twist of modern, contemporary flare. Enjoy free street parking, lot parking, or valet.

On Friday July 6th from 8:30p-2a, don’t miss the weekly summer “Under the Stars” Dance Party hosted by DJ Dave Waterbury at Maximillian’s, 11330 Weddington, NoHo, 91601, tucked away off Tujunga between Magnolia and Chandler.

This unique venue is spectacular! There’s nothing like it anywhere in LA, a magnificent ambience you won’t want to leave, a true ‘garden of paradise.’ Prepare to meet your dearest among the fragrant blooming flowers, colorful lights, and/or dancing to nonstop terrific tunes.

Happy Hour between 8:30p and 9:30p with Martini’s and cocktails only $4.50. Email davewaterbury91607@yahoo.com for half price admission @ $5.00. Free lot parking.