Single in Studio City: Is There Ever a Good Way to Break Up With Someone?

Consider the Sex and the City episode where Berger sneaks out in the middle of the night leaving a break-up post-it for Carrie, bearing the words “I’m sorry, I can’t, don’t hate me.”

Is it possible to spare your partner unwarranted pain?

Many have experienced insensitive, upsetting, and distressing moments after hearing similarly indirect approaches, e.g. via email, text, phone message.

Honesty and forthrightness is the best policy. Beating around the bush or trying to circumvent the truth may damage and offend the recipient extensively. Under no circumstances is avoidance a solution. 

An example of elusiveness occurred in this season’s finale of “The Bachelorette.” Emily had trouble telling runner up Arie, that she had deeper feelings for Jef, her ultimate choice.  

She was vague and circuitous, causing Arie greater distress than had she been frank and straightforward, which he conveyed in the “After the Final Rose” episode.

Emily revealed to Arie that she struggles with people pleasing and had tried to avoid hurting him. She realized that, in the end, her evasiveness actually created more harm.

Are you able to show appreciation for candor conveyed and the sparing of countless days continuing in a union based on duplicity?

Do you bless your paramour, albeit he/she bid you adieu, or do you wish them ill fate? Can you express gratitude for the occasions you shared, reminiscing about the enjoyable as well as unpleasant periods?

Are you thankful for discovering sooner than later you’re not a match, looking forward to attracting your true love, making preparations in pursuit of that goal?

How do you deal with the loss? Where do you find peace of mind? Does anything take away the ‘ouch,’ the ‘sting?’

Are you consumed with remorse and regret? Do you personalize the separation, wondering ‘what’s wrong with me?’

Do you react like a toddler with a temper tantrum or do you respond sensibly, celebrating the ‘no’?

Why is it excruciating to be informed, “It’s over?” Have you vowed to refrain from relaying this declaration to a sweetheart? Is it difficult for this phrase to cross your lips?

What if you unexpectedly or inadvertently fell for the man/woman of your dreams and had to articulate a goodbye to your current squeeze? 

“No is a complete sentence,” may be a valid axiom, yet in delicate affairs of the heart, additional data is frequently called for. Some want to know exact details and the rationale behind their lover’s decision. They claim a desire to benefit from past mistakes and not repeat them in the next bonding.

Is there always a lesson from a failed liaison? Perhaps there’s no rhyme or reason, no definitive marker? Staying present and focused will help you reflect off your beloved, reaching the inner recesses of your core, determining what’s required to grow spiritually.

Whether the dissolution happens after nine weeks, nine months, or nine years, the love that transpires between a couple never dies or completely disappears. It may, however, fade, dissipate, transform, or appear in various manifestations.

 “How can you mend a broken heart?” with lyrics written by Barry and Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees, topped the charts in May 1971. A 1972 version of the song, recorded by Al Green, was prominently featured in the 1999 film Notting Hill; the 2008 film, Sex and the City; and the 2010 film, The Book of Eli.

The only path is through. If you attempt to sidestep, similar issues will return in subsequent intimate involvements, until you finally confront them head on.

Embark on a healing journey via the five stages of grief, i.e. anger, denial, depression, sadness, and acceptance (not all at once and in no particular order).

It’s the optimum opportunity to evolve to a higher level of awareness. The key is nurturing, nurturing, nurturing! Surround yourself with positive, encouraging friends and family who lift your spirits and satiate your soul.

Practice asking associates for support. Request lots of hugs, both literally and/or figuratively. Cry your eyes out. Scream at the top of your lungs while driving. Embrace a new hobby. Assume an endeavor you’ve been putting aside for ions.

Nurture in nature. Take long walks, lie on the beach, ride your bicycle around the park, watch the sunset and sunrise, cultivate your garden physically and emotionally.

Clean out your psyche of negative notions, especially the detrimental black and white thinking. Strive to interpret the split objectively as a learning incident, acknowledging that neither party is 100% at fault. Reject the blame game.

“When one door closes another one opens.” Although parting is such sweet sorrow, it indicates the universe has something superior in store for you. The perfect romantic connection awaits your readiness.

It’s crucial to recollect that if you were supposed to be a duo, no matter what you said or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do, you would’ve still been together. Correspondingly, the fact that you’re no longer a pair has nothing to do with what you said or didn’t say, or how you acted or didn’t act.

On Saturday , August 4th at 2pm and 8pm, take advantage of your last chance to catch Neil LaBute’s provocative plot twisting piece, Short Ends, at the Open Fist Theatre, 6209 Santa Monica Blvd, (just west of Vine) in Hollywood.

Neil’s classic prose and relationship banter are in full form in this compilation of five mini plays, directed by Amanda Weier: “Sexting”(starring Studio City’s Maxie Solters), “BFF,”  “The Wager,” “Romance,” and “Pony of Love.”

Tickets are $20.00 at the door or half price ($10.00) online at Goldstar.com.

Don’t forget to avail yourself of the assortment of free outdoor concerts happening during the summer e.g. Warner Park in Canoga Park, Sunday afternoons; Hollywood and Highland Jazz Series, Tuesdays, 7-9pm; Jazz at the Farmer’s Market next to The Grove, Thursday evenings at 7pm; and Live Music at LACMA, Wilshire and Fairfax, Fridays at 6pm.

Take advantage of this hot time in the city to snuggle under the stars with your precious. Arrive solo and maintain an open attitude to the serendipity of meeting your ideal mate.