I'm 41 and I love burgers. Oddly, they weren't an important part of my food life until my late 30s. I ate burgers on occasion but have no very strong memories of them in New Haven, New York or Santa Barbara. I adored steak always but don't cook and steak in restaurants is pricey so not a staple of my diet.
But as I delve deeper into middle-age (note: 55 is not middle-age, as Meryl Streep memorably explained to Shirley MacLaine in Postcards from the Edge unless you plan to live until 110 years old), my body craves red meat. I eat two or three burgers a month and would eat steak that often if I could cook or afford good steakhouses.
As any reader of my Victorian Chick blog or Facebook page knows, I'm not big on the vegan thing either in itself or as a cultural phenomenon or ideology. As a devoted fan of Denis Leary since 1993's No Cure for Cancer, I have always loved his bit about vegetarians and particularly the line, "I represent angry, meat-eating, gun-toting people." (This is Leary's dig at Michael Stipe's political activism and the REM hit, "Shiny, Happy People": "Pull that bus over to the side of the pretentiousness turnpike: I want the shiny people over here and the happy people over there.")
If you haven't had the pleasure of hearing Denis Leary's rant about vegetarians and smoking fascists (quite prescient some 20 years in advance of the 2014 UC system-wide ban on smoking as well as chewing tobacco, presumably on the grounds of "secondhand spit" as a writer friend put it on Facebook), here is a clip from his iconic show: http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Q7kUFS-0XQ .The bit about vegetarians begins around six minutes into the clip.
I understand people who do not eat beef for health reasons, just as I understand those who avoid bread due to gluten allergies or dairy products due to lactose intolerance. But no, I do not comprehend those who are basically fit and healthy and eschew "anything with eyes."
No one loves cats, dogs and horses more than I do, but I can't muster emotion about chickens, ducks, or cows, cute as the latter may be when small and clean. (I don't eat veal or foie gras as those seem to me gratuitously cruel, but I have no moral objections to other forms of meat.)
So if you're a member of the ever-shrinking meat-eating population of LA, I urge you to try Umami Burger. As I wrote in my recent Yelp review, I read nothing about alcohol and assumed it was soda and iced tea only. But on top of serving the best gourmet burger I've had in LA in years (honorable mention goes to pricey-but-worth-it Wilshire in Santa Monica and the Water Garden Daily Grill), Umami features a full bar and surprisingly good and extensive wine list.
I'm in Studio City every Monday for Risa's 6:30 jazz class at Hama Dance Center, a few blocks from Umami. Monday, in what had to be 300 degree heat, I arrived lightheaded and starving from a private lesson on an empty stomach.
Any reasonably clean establishment with air conditioning would have struck me as paradise, but I was shocked to find the comfortable red leather bar stools and banquettes in this retro but sleek restaurant with a deceptive fast food awning on Ventura Blvd. The music was a plus: a combination of indie rock and jazz of the sort the W in Westwood used to play in the bar a dozen or so years ago.
Yelp reviews raved about the truffle burger but when my attractive and efficient server told me it was quite rich, I went with the safer Cali Burger, the closest to a traditional cheeseburger offered on this innovative menu (which includes hot dogs and a few popular salads as well). It was perfect, from the meat to the bun to the cheese to the carmelized onions.
When I drove my knife through the medium rare patty, a veritable pool of juice spread across the plate. Tip: ask for extra napkins; you'll need them. But it wasn't at all greasy. Umami forbids substitutions but the "house blend" American cheese is not some putrid, bland, Velveeta-like concoction most foodies disdain. I have no idea what they do to this cheese but it's sublime.
As for portions, my burger and the burger at the next table were quite reasonable. This is not some Five Guys behemoth, which, while delicious, is simply evil (ditto for their fries and I'm not even into fries). If it had been larger, I undoubtedly would have finished every last bite, but this didn't seem much over six ounces and without a decadent side like the signature "cheese tots," I didn't feel overfull or heavy afterward.
It's too hot in the Valley during the summer to drink red wine and I don't drink beer, so the Pinot Gris was a nice accompaniment, though traditionally one pairs burgers with red wine. I never drank white wine until a long trip to NYC in 2011 during not one but two heat waves. While Studio City is not plagued by the oppressive humidity of NYC, it's pretty damned hot right now. My generous glass of wine was just 7 dollars, so the bill came to about 18 before the tip.
I can't wait to come back, as I have been eating every Monday at Sammy's in the months I live in Southern California. I adore the mini-duck tacos with feta and kafir cheese just 5.50 at the daily happy hour from 3PM to 7PM but needed a change.
Umami Burger is now in Santa Monica at Fred Segal, but I find that store so obnoxious, I will probably just eat at the Studio City location since I'm there at least once a week for dance class before heading to the Palisades, where I live part-time as caretaker to a father nearly 89 years old.
After my burger, I went to Jiffy Lube for coolant on the recommendation of an Umami employee. While watching CNN's Trayvon Martin coverage in the blessedly frigid waiting room over the deafening drills and saws outside, I mentioned my blog to a customer. She asked what it was about and I gave my stock description, to which she responded: "A dancer who blogs about food? Huh."
I realize I am genetically fortunate, but I don't think there is any good reason not to eat red meat in moderation. The ethical arguments do not impress me unless someone renounces all non-edible animal products (including leather). The environmental arguments are a bit more complex, but the consensus seems to be that the organic, sustainable farming all the rage among the Prop 37, anti-GMO set (a FB friend in NYC calls them GMO-bots) is not feasible globally.
I will be back again and again to the Ventura Blvd. Umami Burger.
