The Jury Is In: Get Your Dog a 'Bad Cuz'

Dogs hate jury duty.  If we were entitled to a jury of our pets instead of a jury of our peers, I believe even the judge and jurors would be found guilty, guilty, guilty—although I admit I would love to see the movie poster for Twelve Angry Schnauzers.

I know dogs hate jury duty because Heidi made a point of jumping all over me and voicing her displeasure earlier this week upon my return home each day from downtown’s Stanley Mosk Courthouse on Hill Street (by the way, if you live in our ‘hood and you get called for jury duty, take the Red Line train from NoHo or Universal City, it’s really the only way to go).

I was called upon to be the jury foreman in a baffling personal injury-fender bender-his word against hers thing that amounted to nothing more than a shocking waste of our tax dollars. Plus this one juror got all hostile and hurt my feelings for wanting to discuss opinions that did not happen to belong to her.  My tell-all book will not be forthcoming.  Meanwhile, each morning I have had to explain to Heidi that no judge was going to accept  “whiny German Shepherd” as an extreme hardship that would excuse me from my civic obligation.

But even though I know this guilt trip won’t be over until at least Thanksgiving, I do know Heidi had good company during my absence in the form of her Bad Cuz Ball.  This rubber toy is, seriously, crack for dogs.

Most everyone who has been to a park where dogs play has probably seen these toys from JW Pet company:  A virtually indestructible hard rubber ball made anthropomorphic (that took a couple of spell-checks) by the addition of two rubber clown-y feet and tiny devil horns.  They come in Small, Medium and Large size.  Inside is a squeaker that gets more obnoxiously loud as the size increases. 

According to the JW Pet website, there is also a “Good Cuz” ball with no horns, but I have never seen one in person – also some good and bad “Other Cuz” toys with legs but no feet and big eyes.  Maybe these are easier to remove from the mouths of obsessive shepherds who just don’t know how to let go. But it doesn’t matter to Heidi.  She is smitten with her Medium Bad Cuz friends. 

Heidi’s first Bad Cuz was a Small.  She stole it from another dog at a park.  We never saw it happen. There were no witnesses. All we had was circumstantial evidence:  when we returned home from the park, there she was in the back of the car with the Small Cuz tucked in her mouth and a “don’t even think about touching it” look on her face.  We opted to upgrade her to Mediums, fearing that she might swallow the Small when we play catch.  

Since then, Heidi has always had several Bad Cuz toys in her possession – we keep spares because it’s just too heartbreaking if the main one happens to disappear somewhere in the back yard. They always turn up again, usually covered with dirt and dried dog spit. The older ones have busted squeakers, but the newer ones remain loud and clear. 

Heidi uses the squeaky ones in order to join into human conversation, bringing hers to the circle and chewing on it when we have guests in the living room. It also serves to make her a living part of any TV show or movie that happens to be on the screen.  And she likes to help out by squeaking loudly when my husband is on a home-office business call, often leading the other party to say as politely as possible: “Uh, where are you, exactly?” 

My favorite home use of the Bad Cuz took place out on the deck in the back when a squirrel in an overhanging tree was teasing and chattering at Heidi, which the cheeky pests are fond of doing (they also used to throw stuff at our late cat, Chrysler, although he sort of deserved it).  Heidi marched over, grabbed her toy and proceeded to blast that squirrel back to Nutville.  In your face, rodent!

I suggest getting a Bad Cuz for your dog while you are on jury duty, even though the squeaking can be annoying. No it isn’t, are you kidding? It’s adorable.  Sorry, I’m probably just arguing with myself because of spending too much time on jury duty.  And thinking it sure would have been nice to have a Bad Cuz around to blast in the jury room.